


After all this time your touch still burns my skin

by 1toomany



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Future Fic, M/M, Other, Protective Mickey, Sexual Content, Sibling Love, Violence, hurt!Ian, uncle Mickey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-26 20:15:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1701143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1toomany/pseuds/1toomany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six months after Ian left for the army, Mickey divorced Svetlana (kid wasn´t his) and Terry died in jail (yaaaay!). Mandy had a baby boy and the three of them moved to L.A. .10 months after going AWOL Ian found himself in L.A. too. It was 13 years later when they saw eachother again, but things are bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Uncle Mickey

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so it happens after season 3 finale. There is no coming out to Terry, no Kennyatta, Ian is not bipolar and Mickey is openly gay in Los Angeles. They both moved on but their love for eachother never faded away.  
> I´ve tried to keep them in character as much as I could. Enjoy reading, I hope you´ll like it.
> 
> The tags will be updated as the story goes.

The sun was poking through the window, the cracks in the blinds sent beams straight to his eyes. He rubed them with the heels of his hands, muttering couple of *fucks* under his breath. The door to his room swung open and Mathew burst in like a speeding train and jumped on his bed.

"Mickey, wake up! It's nine o'clock already, mom called , said we're gonna be late. Come on, it's my first day..."

"Jesus kid, get the fuck out, I'm sleeping,"  he mumbled, pulling the covers over his head.

"You're swearing again. Mom says that's not nice,"  Matty  waved a no no with his index finger at Mickey , sitting on the bed cross legged.

"Yeah, well tell your mother she can kiss my not nice ass. " 

"See, you did it  again... Come on, uncle Mickeyyyy!!! Get uuuuup!! Pleeeeeeeease!!"  Jesus the kid was Mandy's no doubt about it. Who the fuck could be so damn annoying this early in the morning but his sister and her brat.

"For fuck's sake kid, I told you not to call me uncle... Uncles are old and wrinkled. Do I seem old and wrinkled to you?"

"Well, hmmm... let me see you in a better light,"  Matty laughed cocking his head from side to side  to give Mickey a good lookover.

"Fuckin'smartass, that's what you are kid,"  he groaned and got up, yawning, "Move nerd, gotta take a piss."

"Why are you always so grumpy all the time? Dont´t you like your life?" Matty was definietely too smart for a 5 year old.

"Are we really having this fuc... freakin'  conversation now?" he leaned against the bathroom wall with one hand, trying to keep the balance standing over the toilet. It didn't matter since he missed it anyway.

"Ok, ok, I'll wait downstairs. Hurry up, mom made waffles,"  Matty jumped of the bed and ran to the kitchen.

 

***

 

_Mandy met Roger Collins 6 years ago at the diner where she was working. It was somewhere around 3 months after their father got sent to jail and got stabbed in there not even 24 hours later, and about a month after Svetlana gave birth to a black baby. Mickey threw the bitch out on her ass as fast as he could. He divorced her and luckily, since the baby obviously wasn't his, he didn't have any obligation towards her._

_Roger was in his late 20's, handsome, had his own apartment and a managing position in some advertising agency. He was filthy rich, his dad owned 17 gas stations and his mom was the president of some women's insitute or something. He was kind of a wonderkid, jumped through classes, finished college at 17 and became a manager at 21._

_He was passing through Chicago on his way home to New York from some Ad convention and stopped at the diner to grab some dinner. He saw Mandy, Mandy saw him and the rest is history. Well, in their case it wasn't. They had sex that night, he went home, and about a month later she found out she was pregnant. She called him but he hung up on her. It was couple of weeks later that Mickey went all the way to New York to his apartment (some chick Iggy used to fuck went to college there so he made her find him the adress and everything), and it only took one look at Mickey cracking his FUCK-U-UP knuckles for Roger to agree to a DNA test, then  acknowledge the kid and eventualy settle on paying child support._

_Mickey admits, they had some hard times, Mandy and him, trying to cope with raising a baby and strugling to survive. Their brothers fucked off God knows where, they just called to say they don't want anything to do with the house or them. When Matty was 3, they decided it was time to go. Mandy had said that she wouldn't raise a child in this shithole of a town. They didn't really have a specific place to move to, they just opened the map and let Matty put his little finger on it and choose. Mandy said they will move to wherever his finger points. And his finger pointed to Alaska._

_"Fuck no, I ain't having my dick freeze  and fall off in some fuckin' icy town there!"  Mickey was shaking his head, and Mandy wasn't thrilled with the idea herself._

_"So? It's not like you actually use it anymore,"  she stopped and cursed herself for saying that. She knew it was still too painfull for Mickey. After all, it was only 4 years ago that he lost the one person in his life that knew him best and loved him unconditionally. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that... Let's try again, ok?"_

_She closed Matty's eyes and placed his hand over the map. This time his finger pointed at Los Angeles._

_"All right, L.A. it is then."_

_They sold the house and found an apartment near the sea. Roger's younger sister  Leanne was attending UCLA and had her own place there, plus she loved Matty, even though his shitty dad was an asshole about it. She babysat him as much as her classes allowed her to, and she became good friend to both Mandy and Mickey._

_They've lived in L.A. for about a month when Mickey found a job. It was kind of a  club/bar where you could come just to have a drink or maybe to check out the latest fashion trends amongst the rich kids of California. His shifts were mainly from 9 p.m. till 4 a.m., so he was spending his mornings sleeping and afternoons going to the park with Matty. The job was good, money was more than ok and he got so much tips he could easily live off of them alone._

_Mandy had some trouble finding a job. She started in a department store but she was soon let go, 'cause  let's  face it, she had some good qualities in her life  but people skills wasn't one of them. So when the hostess of the club Mickey's been working at got pregnant, he talked his boss into giving his sister a shot. It worked out pretty good, because a month later the club doubled it's clientele. And she also found a part-time morning job at some small family diner._

_L.A. turned out to be a pretty good choice to move to. Mandy liked the beach and going for long walks with Matty and Leanne. And Mickey enjoyed his peace in the morning, besides, he was a pale motherfucker so the sun wasn't  excactly his best friend in the world. The guys were good there, all toned, with their abs and tight asses and movie-star-white teeth and hair... Mickey's favorite time of the day was sunset, 'cause he got to sit in his favorite caffe and watch surfers and skaters with no shirts on, just their muscles and sweaty bodies passing by._

_Couple of years went by and Matty was already starting school. He was a smart child, he got his brains from his father and wits from his mother. Mickey thanked God it wasn't the other way around. Mickey was a big part of his life and kind of a father figure to him. He was there when Matty took his first step, he tought him how to use the potty ( which is pretty much unbelievable even to Mickey himself) , he tought him his first word. Ok, Mandy was pissed about that, because a child's first word should be ma-ma or da-da or something like that. But there was this show on TV Mickey used to watch, and the main character was a soft guy who always ended up crying at the end of every episode, so Mickey called him pussy. So one day when Mandy came home from work and Matty was playing in front of the TV, he saw her and ran to her open arms and just blured out *pu-sssssssssyyyy*. Needles to say that Mandy was pissed at her brother for being a bad influence on her kid, but eventually laughed and simply said *yep, a true Milkovich all right*._

_So it was pretty normal for Mickey to also be there for Matty on his first day at school._

 

***

The school was ok, lots of kids (nothing like his old school, but then again, who in the south side needs school anyway? It's not like they're gonna leave the neighborhood - chances for that are slim to none). There were a lot of moms and dads and most of the kids were rich and with divorced parents. Mickey felt awkward being there, and even though he had a nice shirt and clean pants, his tattooed knuckles reminded him that  he'll always be just another South side punk strolling through life with no meaning at all.

 

He was waiting for school to be over, Mandy was working and Leanne had classes so Mickey was picking him up . He was standing on the opposite side if the road, leaned against the building, a cigarette in his lips.

"Can I bum one of those?"  a voice came from behind him. He turned around and saw a tall, dark haired man, possibly in his 30's, dressed in what must had been an Armani grey suit. He was holding a briefcase in one hand and the other one was tucked in his pocket.

"Excuse me?"  Mickey asked  giving him a good lookover.

"A cigarette? Can I bum one off you?"

Mickey nodded, pulled a case from his pocket and handed it to him. The guy took one and placed it between his lips, and Mickey lit it for him. He looked at the guy's eyes and could see a little smirk deep inside them.

"Thanks. I don't usually smoke, but it was kind of a stressfull day at work,"  the guy said inhaling and Mickey looked at his chest rising and it was so fucking sexy the way his shirt would stretch with every inhale and his lips would form a perfect circle  exhaling the smoke, and Mickey felt immediately atracted to him.

"I'm Alan, by the way,"  he offered a hand and Mickey accepted it. He'd be lying if he was to say he didn't feel the electricity that sent shivers all the way to his toes.

"Mickey."

The guy released the grip and continued, nodding towards the school, "You´re waiting for your kid?"

"Nah, nephew. I don't have kids,"  he stumped on a cigarette butt and headed towards the other side of the street. The guy followed, taking one more long drag before throwing the butt on the ground.

"I have a daughter here, it's her first day today. My wife was supposed to pick her up but got held up at work."

A wife? Mickey would have sworn the guy was flerting with him. Well, at least he'll have an image to jerk off to later.

"Listen um... Mickey,  why don't I give you my card and maybe you could call me sometimes, we'll grab a beer or something. That is if you want, of course,"  he handed him his bussiness card and when Mickey took it, the guy brushed his finger over Mickey's and added "I would be glad if you did."

Mickey took the card and tucked it in his pocket. Closed case or not, a fuck is a fuck and the guy definietely seems to be a top, so what the hell. He just responded  "Sure."

The school door opened and the kids ran outside. Matty jumped on him, throwing his school bag on the floor.

"So , how was it kiddo?"

"Great! I made a lot of friends and I saw one kid throw up and then slip and fall into it. It was fucking hilarious," Matty was laughing holding his stomach.

"Ay, what'd I say 'bout swearing? You want your mom to have my nuts in a cracker?"

"Ok, uncle Mickey,"  Matty said bowing his head down.

"And no more this _uncle_ bullshit. I told you to call me just Mickey, ok? C'mon, let's go home,"  he took the bag from the floor and turned his head around, looking over his shoulder and saw Alan smirking. Mickey knew he was definietely gonna take him up on that offer.

 

Later that evening, after Matty relived his first day at school and Mandy listened to him repeat himself over and over again, Mickey laid in bed, looking at the card Alan gave him. It said

                                                                 **ALAN JAMES WELLINGTON**

                                                                         _Attorney at law_

He smirked and mumbled _figures_ . He put it on the nightstand and stared at the ceiling. Couple of minutes passed by and without him even realising it his eyes were tearing up. Alan was the first guy he felt so attracted to and he just couldn't shake the feeling of guilt and shame building in his chest. He felt like he was betraying the one person that was always in his heart and in his mind. A person he loved the most years ago and the person he still loves the most. A person that left him 6 years ago to this day excatly... Left him when he needed him the most.

 

He turned to his side wiping his tears away and closed his eyes , as his lips simply sighed;

"Good night Ian."

 


	2. Ian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was excatly six years age to this day that he left. Left his family, left his job, his home, school.... Left HIM.

It was a course of strange events that led Ian to Los Angeles. When he left the army he was completely lost. With no place to stay, no money and pretty much no nothing he was forced to live on the streets. Going back home was not an option. That would mean a lot of apologizing and explaining to his family and he didn't want that. After all, he went away for a reason, and he never wanted to see that reason again.

***

Ian was a good guy. Polite, helpful, always put others first, especially his family, honest, hardworking. He was one of the good ones on the Southside. He wasn't a fool, he knew what kind of future awaits for him if stayed there. So he decided that he would do what ever it takes to get out of that shithole and try to make a decent life for himself. He joined ROTC, which wasn't that surprising since he considered himself to be a patriot. But it was mainly because he needed order and discipline. His home was a chaos, loving and caring, but still a chaos. He just needed out. So the next natural thing was the army, he just didn't think it would be so soon. His plans were to finish school and get into West Point. But it all changed because of _him_.

Basic training was not so bad at first. It was highly intense and challenging. It required dificult physical training and quick psychological adjustment. That wasn't a problem for him. The problem was in people.

There was this guy, Andrew. He was Ian's bunk bed buddy. They clicked almost immediately and became good friends. At least Ian thought so. Couple of weeks into the training Ian told him he was gay. Which was a big big mistake. Because Ian didn't know that Andrew was one of the bigest homophobs back on his neighborhood. He rounded up couple of supporters and they gave Ian the gay bashing he would never forget. The next day Ian was out. Out of the army, out of his dream, out of his old life.

 

It was bad. He was sleeping under the bridge somewhere, eating whatever he could find behind the restaurant dumpster. After a month or so he became friends with Melissa, a waitress from the fancy restaurant who would secretly give him leftovers. She and a couple of her friends were squatting some old building and soon he sort of *moved in* with them. It was dry and kinda warm, definietly better than where he was sleeping. One of Melissa's friend was a bartender in a gay club and he used to tease Ian to try working ther , maybe as  an  exotic dancer. He most certainly had a body for that. He still went on his morning runs and worked out whenever he could. So after awhile the guy reccommended him to his boss, and about a month later he became one of club's best dancers.

With all the dancing came all the party favors, and with all the party favors came old, ugly, disgusting men. He would sometimes wake up in a place he couldn't recognize or had no clue as to how he got there in the first place. But as soon as his eyes landed on the money on the nightstand he knew why he was there for. It lasted for about 10 months and it was the worst 10 months of his life. He felt so used and so cheap and for someone who once had big plans and dreams about his future, the look in the mirror made him sick to his stomach.

It all changed the night  he met Connor.

Connor was from L.A., in town for his cousin's wedding. After giving some old dude a lap dance Ian went to the bar to grab a glass of water. He heard someone behind him saying; "Now what does a guy like you doing in a place like this?" Ian didn't even hesitate, despite the stupidity of that pick up line, he simply answered:  "Waiting for you."

Three days later he was with Connor on a plane to Los Angeles.

 

Ian liked living in L.A.. He stayed with Connor in his apartment. Connor was an event manager, he usually organised fashion shows for young upcoming designers and he was pretty known in his circle of friends and bussines associates. He liked going to art galleries, cocktail parties, he wore designer clothes and  fancy shoes. Ian used to joke about his wrist watch, it was too expensive and he would say that the watch alone would pay his 11 monthly rents back home. Ian went almost everywhere with him and bit by bit , he gotten to like this way of life.

They fucked but they weren't exclusive. Connor would bring guys home, Ian would bring guys home, but if the two of them felt like it they would fuck. And the sex was great, Connor was an easy bottom and he let Ian do whatever he wanted . He got Ian a job as a personal assistant for some rich friend of his. The job was easy, all he had to do  was basically answer phone calls, take notes, schedul meetings,  go to the dry cleaners, go shoping with them and stuff like that. And the money was more than OK. He was happy he could help Connor with  rent and utilities.

 

He loved his job. And he loved Lisa, his boss too. She was pretty, 33 years old, classy and smart. She talked to him a lot, he told her about his family and his life before L.A.. She'd say his face lit up every time he would tell her stories about his brothers and sisters. She tried to get him to call them at least, but he didn't think he could cope with all the explaining and questioning. He would send Lip or Fiona a text once in awhile saying he's fine and not to worry about him.

He got used to living this kind of life pretty fast. Nice clothes, expensive restaurants, clubs, fashion shows... And all the hot guys too. Ian was a handsome man, he worked a lot on his body, ate healthy food, exercised every day. His favorite time of the day was sunset (he was pale so the sun wasn't the best choice for him) , when he would go for his daily run on the beach. And occasionally check out the hotties in the cafes there.

 

 ***                                                          

It was a busy day. After being on the phone all afternoon, checking Lisa's e-mails, and then going with Connor to some art gallery, he couldn't wait  to hit the pillow. He showered and couple of minutes later he was in bed, staring at the ceiling.

It was excatly six years ago to this day that he left. Left his family, left his job, his home, school... Left _him_. The only person he loved the most and still loves the most. The person that betrayed and abandoned him when he needed him the most.

He turned to his side, wiping away tears from his eyes , silently whispering:

"Good night, Mick".

 

 


	3. The first time they miss eachother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 years later they still live pretty much the same, Ian moves into his own apartment. He goes with Connor to a club Mickey works in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of rape (Mickey´s contemplating on events in 3x666). Also, I know I might be boring, mentioning Alan so much, but you´ll find out that he is important part of the story as it developes further more. Thanks for your kudos and comments <3  
> Love ya!

As it turns out, Mickey was right. Alan was a top. And a fucking good one too. Mickey gave him a call about a week after Alan gave him his card. It started with a beer and continued with fucks in the hotel or Alan's office late in the evening before Mickey would go to work.

Alan had a beach house in Malibu and he took Mickey there once. His wife and daughter were away for the weekend and the two of them had the place for themselves. But as soon as Mickey saw all the family photos and Alan's daughter's toys he just drew the line there. It was one thing fucking somewhere where there was just the two of them, no past no future, just that moment, and fucking somewhere  where there was a whole life of memories and happiness.

They would get together twice a week, usually on thursdays and sundays. Alan had court almost every day , he was really good at his job and well known among the other lawyers. He did a lot of pro bono work too. Basically, he was a nice guy.

 

Since him and Mandy didn't have secrets between them , he told her about Alan. She was ok with it as long as it stayed just like that.

 

"So you love him or something?"

"Fuck no. It's just sex, 's all. I mean, I like fucking  him and he's good at it so why not enjoy it while it lasts, right?"

"I'm ok with it, just don't get yourself too deep."

"I'm smarter than that."

"Yeah? Never would have guessed."

"Fuck off, I know when to stop. Besides, me and love? Not gonna happen."

 

 _Never again_.

He was lying and he knew that. He loved _him_ , fuck he still loves _him_. After he left, Mickey spent weeks crying in the bathroom and drinking himself into oblivion on the roof of *their* building. Mandy made him tell her all about him and Ian, everything from the beginning. He was embarassed at first to admit to her that he's gay, but as soon as she said "Mick, it's just sex, you're still the same person and I love you no matter what," he wished he had told her sooner. Cause if he had only been brave enough, maybe Ian wouldn't had left, and maybe he wouldn't had cried himself to sleep every fucking night for the past six years. Maybe Mandy would have help him, help them. Maybe the whole thing with Svetlana wouldn't have even happened. Maybe  if she had known, she would have been able to protect them. Maybe they wouldn't had had to go behind her back and maybe she could have  warned them about Terry. Maybe. But it didn't matter anymore.

What was done was entirely on him. He fucked up. Not Ian, not Mandy. It was him.

 

***

If someone was to ask Mickey if he believed men could be raped, his answer would be: maybe if someone shoved something up their asses. Yes it's a stupid answer, but it was  the way he felt. 

He read some stupid ass magazine where they said that about 3% of American men— or 1 in 33 — have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. Never in a million years did he think he would become a part of statistic. 1 in 33. A number. A fucking fact . Cause what happened to him was just that. Yes, he was raped... by a woman. He didn't want to admitt that, not to himself. Being raped would mean that he is weak, and there wasn't a time in his life when he didn't have to have control over things. And to make matters even worse, he was  raped in front of him. And the rape itself didn't hurt as much Ian's tears did. And the view of his father's finger on the trigger.

He tried to cope with it the best way he knew how. By shooting his gun, smoking weed, drinking a lot. Just wanted to feel numb, to get away from everything and everyone. He didn't want Ian to give up on him, on them. But he couldn't bear to let Ian touch him. He was damaged, dirty, hurt. He wasn't a man enough, not for him. Not the man Ian deserved.

It was never about not loving him or pretending he meant nothing. Because he did. He meant so much, so fucking much.

 

_"Would you at least look at me?"_

 

How could he? He knew Ian would see the pain in his eyes, that god damn kid could reach all the way to his soul, and the last thing he wanted was his pitty. He had to make him go away, make him stop loving him, make him find someone else and be happy. Cause Ian deserved that. Not this... not him.

 

 ***                                                                         

 

Before they knew it, five years had already gone by. Matty was ten now and started showing serious interest in girls. That was one of things Mickey couldn't help with. But for everything else he was right there. He was there with Matty in E.R. when he broke his leg after falling of a bike Mickey had bought for him, he was there for Matty's first visit from a tooth fairy. He thought him how to stand up for himself  and how to beat the shit out of everyone who gave him a wrong look (he was a Milkovich after all). Needles to say it brought lot of fights between him and his sister.

Mandy was dating Mark for a year and a half now. She was happy and he loved both her and Matty. They even discusted moving in together. The club where she and Mickey worked, the  "Amazon",  was still one of the best in L.A., it has been like that since Mandy started running it. She was pretty known in clubbing business, she had that *fuck-with-me-and-I´ll-fuck-u-up* bad girl southside kinda touch, didn't put up shit from anybody , and Mickey was glad she didn't forget who she was or where she came from.

Leanne finished UCLA, got a good payed managing job at some big  company and eventhough she now was living with her boyfriend, she'd spent every free minute with Matty, plus she would often take him for a weekend. Which was great because it gave Mickey time to spend with Alan, since his wife usually visited her father on saturdays (he remembers Alan saying something about him being sick, lung cancer or something), so they'd fuck in the afternoon in a hotel one of Alan clients owned. Mickey asked him wouldn't it be awkward for them to be seen together on his day off in front of his client, but Alan said it was a lawyer-client priviledge or some shit, so he left it at that.

They were fuck buddies (that's what they both called it and it worked for them) for 5 years now. Of course Mickey would occasionally fuck some random guy, he'd pick them up in a bar and fuck them in the bathroom or in the alley somewhere. Never took anyone home and never went to anyone's home. He worked a lot, almost every day, but spent every tuesday with Matty.

All in all it's been good five years in L.A.

 

***

 

Ian was excited. He just moved into his own apartment 2 days ago. And he found it pretty quickly. Connor fell deeply in love with some guy and wanted him to move in, said it was serious. He never said Ian had to move out, his apartment had two bedrooms and Ian had his own room, but Ian just felt that it was time for him to move on. It's been 5 years and he was ready to be on his own.

He found a place in Venice, it was one-bedroom, had a small balcony and a beautiful view of the beach. The first person he invited was Lisa, he went from being her personal assistant to being a very close friend. Of course, she still was his boss , but their relationship reminded Ian of him and Fiona. God he missed them all so much. Fiona would send him a text whenever something important happened so he knew pretty much everything about them.

Fiona got married to some musician guy, they traveled a lot. He had a gig  in L.A. a month ago and when she told Ian  how excited she was to visit The Hollywood Boulevard, he didn't want to risk bumping into her, eventhough she didn't know he lived in L.A.. So he told Lisa he was sick and stayed in for three days straight . Lip finished school and was offered a job in a law firm and he moved in with Amanda. Debbie was in college, going for her Master's degree  and Carl joined the police, he said it was a legal way for him  to do stuff he always did plus he got to carry a gun without hiding it. And Liam started high school and was living with Fiona and her husband. Jesus he didn't see them in 11 years. He wondered if they still look like he remembers them.

 

Sometimes he would hear or see something that reminded him of Mickey and he had to swallow hard not to ask Fiona about him. He wondered if he was still married and living with his father, if he was still the same, if his hair was still dark and his skin soft as it always was, if he thought about him sometimes, about what they had. But he probably forgot him already.

 

_"You are nothing but a warm mouth to me".  
_

 

It wasn't a wonder Mickey betrayed him and gave up on him so easily. He didn't love him, Ian was just a convenience to him. A guy that fucked him and didn't tell. But eleven years had past and he was still in his heart. Still the first thing on his mind in the morning and still the last thing on his mind before sleep.

 

***

It was a big night for Connor's boyfriend. He was a young designer trying to make his dream come true and it was his first Fashion show. It was in "Amazon", a club Ian's never been to, he wondered himself how that was, since he was living here for eleven years. The club was crowded, lot's of reporters and jet-set kids. Ian was sitting in his booth, talking to Connor and Eric, waiting for the show to begin. He liked the "Amazon", the waiters were pretty hot and the ambient was good. He will definitely come here again.

 

 

It was tuesday, Mickey's night off. Mandy was getting ready for work, and since Matty was at Leanne's he was looking forward to spend some time by himself.

"Why don't you come with me? It'd be fun." - Mandy asked him putting make up on her face.

"Don't feel like it. And I'm in that place every day, I can at least spend my free night away from it and alone."

"Yeah, doing what? Drinking and getting high? Jesus Mick, you're almost thirty, put some life in yourself, it can't be all about secrets fucks and nephew babysitting. Come on, maybe you'll meet someone, it will be more guys than usual. And they will all probably be gay so..."  she did have a point. Even if he was ok with his life the way it was now, wouldn't hurt to have some fun, maybe fuck some of those fashion guys.

"Alright, let me get dressed."

"Hurry up, Mark is waiting in the car."

 

 

She was right. The club was crowded, twice as people as usual and Mickey felt sorry for his fellow workers, they will definitely not be having an easy time tonight. Mandy was already in her office upstairs with the guy whose show it was, some Eric dude and Mickey was standing by the door most of the night , talking to bouncers. They were all like family, they've worked together for seven years.

He glanced around the club, once the show began and everyone was in their seats, when suddenly  he froze as he spoted red hair shining  in the dim light. The guy had his back turned to Mickey and was sitting with that Eric dude Mandy was talking to an hour ago. His jaw dropped, and it wasn't the first time since he moved here that he'd seen a readhead, it was just something different this time. His knees were week and he could hear his heart beating in his ears so loud that it overpowered the music, and as he found himself rushing to the booth , everyone stood up and started applauding and he was angry 'cause he couldn't see him anymore. So after practically runing through the entire club he went to Mandy's office. He burst in breathing like he'd just had an 8 mile run.

"Hey dickhead! What the fuck? You trying to break down the door or something?"  she was writing something and her pen fell on the floor.

"That guy... what's his name, the one whose show it is?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Just answer me god damn it!"

"OK! Eric, why?"

"Who's he with?"

"His boyfiend I guess. What's it to you? You jelaous or something? "  she was now standing in front of her desk smirking at him, but she immediately stoped when she saw his nostrils widen, "Jesus Mick, what is it?!"

"What's his boyfriend's name?" he was looking down through the glass hoping to find the guy among all those people, but the light was too fucking dim "His boyfriend's name Mandy, for Christ's sake!?"

"How the fuck should I know? And what the fuck is it? Speak up already!"

He turned to her.

"I think I saw him Mands."

"Saw who?"

"Ian."

 

 


	4. So it WAS you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He heard the guy in the dark green shirt yell: -"YO, Milkovich! Am I paying you to chit-chat or mix drinks? Get your ass here and do your fucking job!"  
> Milkovich!? The tatooes?! Too much of coincidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is, I´m not all that happy with this chapter, so if you won´t like it I totally understand.
> 
> There is some abuse happening here so if you want to,just fast forward to the end.....

The show was a success and Eric was happy that so many people showed up. And Connor was so proud of him, he clapped the loudest when Eric walked the runway with his models. Ian felt kinda like the third wheel so he excused himself and headed home. He was in the mood for a fuck so he stopped at some bar, picked up some blonde guy and took him home

 

+***

 

"I think I saw him Mands."

" Saw who?"

"Ian,"  he leaned against the door and closed his eyes.

"What? Where?" she was surprised, it was the name she haven't heard in eleven years.The name she knew Mickey didn't want to hear either. Eleven years later and it still hurts the same.

Mickey nodded his head towards the big glass window that overlooked the club from Mandy's upstairs office. He hated that the damn thing was one way through. Maybe Ian would have looked up and see him. He was couple of seconds from going all Dustin Hoffman in the Graduate banging on the window on him. "Down there, with that Eric guy. In the first booth."

"You sure? It's been eleven years Mick, he could be anywhere, mayb..."

"And that anywhere could be fucking down there!" his eyes were searching, rolling over the heads  below him, hoping to catch a glimpse of red "Close the club. You gotta close the club Mandy."

She was staring at him in disbelief, "What? Are you serious? For what? It's a fashion show, there are reporters, cameras. Besides, you know what that would do to the club's reputation?"

Frustrated he couldn't find him anywhere, Mickey moved away from the window and started pacing around the office. "I don't care, I gotta find out if  it's him," he was biting his nails almost to the blood, "Maybe you could call him or something, tell him through the speakers that you need him in your office or some shit. Something Mandy, anything!!"

"HEY!!" she shook his shoulders, "Get your shit together! You're acting like a god damn lunatic!" She'll never forget the look in his eyes, the pain and desperation, pleading her to help him, to do something, "Go home, take a cold shower or something, do whatever the fuck it takes. Calm the fuck down and we'll talk about it in the morning,"  she kissed his forehead and ushered him out.

 

He didn't sleep , od course. How could he when the man he loved since he was a teenager was sitting only 50 feet away after eleven years  and he couldn't have reached him? But maybe Mandy was right, maybe it wasn't him. There are other redheads on this planet. It was probably his mind, playing fucking tricks on him. He was wrapped in all the emotions and memories, so he probably imagined it all.

 

***

A year has passed since Mickey thought he saw Ian. It took him three weeks to get his act together, with a lot of weed, numerous bottles of Jack and a talk from Mandy. He had to take a sick leave for a week, he figured if it was Ian, he would probably go to a gay bar eventually. So he went to every one there was in L.A., asking bartenders about him. Noone remembered him, so after 10 days he just stoped looking.

 

It was over a year since Ian moved into his own place. He was good  living on his own, maybe it was a a bit boring at first, especially in the evenings. Back at Connor's there was always fun, fun, fun. Parties, gatherings, card nights... The good thing about having your own place was your freedom, freedom to be as loud as you want, to walk around un your birthday suit, to let in people you want to let in and to lock the door on people you don't want to let in.

Couple of weeks ago he had a breakdown, he couldn't breathe and he felt like a 200 pounds weight has landed on his chest. He started crying uncontrollably, not being able to stop tears from falling. Lisa said it was a panick attack and stayed with him holding him till 2 a.m. waiting for him to calm down.

He told her then about Mickey. From their first fuck, sneaking around, Mickey's trips to juvie because of him, Terry, the wedding...

He remembered one time when they were teenagers, their breaths still heavy  just seconds after sex, Mickey and him lying on some crappy old matress on the roof. Just smoking and looking up the sky (Mickey's eyes were closed of course - he didn´t want to open them  'cause  that would be too gay to just lie with a guy and watch for the stars) , imagining what would it be like to go away. Just run and never come back. Flip everything and everyone off, their shitty neighborhood, stupid jobs, Terry... He wondered if Mickey would have liked his place now, if he could have enjoyed it here. He'd picture himself making breakfast for Mickey, his favourite banana pancakes, with Mickey holding him around the waist, kissing his shoulder.

But then he'd go out and bringe some random home , just to forget.

                              

 

Richard came into his life qiute unexpectedtly. Ian was out with Connor and Eric when Connor introduced them. Richard was a friend of his  from school, they lived on the same street and had a thing during their seniour year in high-school. It didn't work out so they stayed   friends. Richard was an architect and had spent the last 10 years living in Rome and Paris. He was tall, maybe couple of inches taller than Ian, definitely had more muscles and a fantastic body. Ian was immediately atracted to him. They talked a lot that evening and ten  days later they started dating.

It was good, Ian actually had a boyfriend he could walk around town holding hands with, kiss and cuddle in public. Sex was also good, Richard was a bottom but they would swap every now and then. He was the first guy Ian invited to stay over, and couple of months into their relationship he was practically living there. He opened his own office and had 3 other architects working for him. Ian loved when Richard told stories about Europe, he said he'll take him to Paris some day.

 

The first punch happened over a stupidest thing. Ian forgot to pick up Richard's favourite shirt from the dry cleaners. Apparently that was his lucky shirt and he had some meeting with potential clients next morning. Ian said he was sorry but it just wasn't good enough for Richard.

"If I ask you to do something I expect you to do it. That is if you have enough brains to remember ONE FUCKING THING!" Ian was looking at him wonder-struck, it was the first time he raised his voice at him.

"Hey, don't talk to me like that, Rich,"  he walked over to him and put his hands around his waist  "it's only a shirt, you've got plenty more... C'mon, let's go to bed, I'll make it up to you,"  he was about to kiss his neck  but Richard shoved him so hard his shoulder hit the wall and he stumbled to the floor.

"WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD! DID YOU JUST HIT ME?" Ian was yelling, holding his aching shoulder and getting up. He muttered under his breath, "Fucking asshole."

"What did you just call me?" his fist flew over to Ian an collided with his right cheek, "Who the fuck do you think you're talking to, you piece of shit?" _smash!_ and another blow to the same side.

It was like Richard  went from mr. perfect to Mr. Hyde in a matter of seconds.

"RICH! STOP!" Ian was cornered against the wall with  Richard howling at him and he  couldn't do anything but cover his face with his hands.

"If I EVER hear you talking back to me like that again, I'll make you wish you were never born, got it?!" he pushed Ian's forehead and his head conected to the wall. With that he just grabed his jacket and stormed out of the apartment, leaving Ian bleeding on the floor.

Ian didn't know whether to hold his aching shoulder or his face. His T-shirt was covered in blood and he could feel a tooth missing. He couldn't comprehend what had happened. Why didn't he do something? He was in the army for fuck's sake, he knew martial arts, and yet he just sat there taking every punch. His face  hurt and tears that were falling were  rubbing salt to an open wound. He grabed a bag of frozen peas from the fridge and curled up on the floor.

 

Four days later Ian was still in bed, he told Lisa he came down with something and he was throwing up for three days straight. He was a minute from falling asleep when he heard the door open. It was Richard, carrying a big box of chocolates and a huge red plush heart. He sat next to him crying, apologizing, promising never to do that again. Said it was the stress from the job and pleaded Ian to forgive him. Ian didn't listen, he just closed his eyes  trying his best to stop tears from falling.

"I'm sorry baby, I don't know what happened, there's something wrong with me I think, I'm gonna get help. I wanna be better for you. C'mon, I´ll make it up to you, what do you say, huh?" it was if Richard was a different person all of a sudden, "What do you say we go out tonight? Connor said something about a party at the "Amazon", wanna go check it out? Please?"

Ian got up and faced him, "Ok, but we're still gonna talk about what happened. 'Cause that shit is over."

"Yeah, whatever you say baby. Now, get up  and get dressed. I want you to look pretty for me tonight."

 

***

 

 Matty was doing his homework and Mickey was good at math so he was helping him solve some assignment for extra credit,  "Hey, you wanna watch Supernatural with me tonight? You know, instead of going for a pizza?"

"No can do kid, gotta work tonight," his head was deep in the book.

"But it's tuesday, you never work on tuesdays."

 "Well, there's some fancy ass party and they called all the waiters and bartenders. Sorry, I guess you're stuck with Mark," he shruged his shoulders,"There, I think I got it right. You check it once more , ok?" Matty nodded and Mickey was already through the door.

 

***

 

Ian walked straight to the bar, he needed something to keep his mind at ease and his body relaxed. His bruises were still visible, though frozen peas did help a little because they were now more yellow then red.

 The party at "Amazon" was for a new issue of some fashion/music magazine and Ian thought the whole L.A. was here. Richard and Connor found a free booth while he went to get their drinks. It was supposed to be just the two of them but since Eric was out of town and Connor didn't want to go alone they invited him to join them.

The bar had one of those mirrors behind it and even in dim light Ian could see the big bruise under his right eye, just above the cheek bone, it still hurt when he touched it. The line was far too long and he thought about going back to the booth and having the waiter bring them drinks, but he didn't want to piss Richard off. They've just made up and he was trying to be as calm as possible. So he stayed and waited.

Couple of minutes later he finally felt like they were moving, 'cause there were just 7 guys in the line in front of him. He glanced around and noticed that there were 6  bartenders trying their best to cope with taking orders. Two were mixing cocktails, one was washing glasses and the other two were taking orders and pouring drinks. One of them was leaned against the bar on his elbow, talking to a couple of guys. It crossed his mind that he wasn't much of a worker since he was leisurely laughing ( he could tell by the way his head tilted back every couple of seconds).

The line moved and he was now third to order. Richard and Connor were having vodka  and he was pondering on having Jack or scotch.

A guy, possibly in his forties stomped pass the line and clearly agitated slid under the bar. It was probably their boss, cause they were all wearing the same shirts, bartenders black  and his was dark green. The guy was pissed, Ian couldn't hear what he was saying cause the music was way too loud, but he could just see his teeth greething. When there was just one guy in front of him , Ian leaned against the bar and once more looked over to that bartender who was clearly avoiding his work.

He felt the guy looked kinda familiar, the way his right leg rested on it's toes crossed over his left one reminded him on Mickey. That was how Mickey would cross them at the Kash'n'Grab when he was leaning against the shelf reading a magazine. He felt like there was a weight on his chest and a sudden look at the guy's left hand that was wrapped around the bottle took his breath away. There was U-UP tatooed on his knuckles. He felt someone poke him from behind telling him he was holding up the line, but he stood still like a stone, his legs couldn't move.

Jesus fuck, that was too much of a coincidence.

He heard the guy in the dark green shirt  yell;"YO, Milkovich! Am I paying you to chit-chat or mix drinks? Get your ass here and do your fucking job!"

Milkovich!? The tatooes?!

He couldn't breathe, he felt another panic attack lurking. The guy turned around, Ian looked at him and their eyes met. His head started spinning like crazy and before his whole body collapsed to the floor , he just managed to say,

"Mickey?"


	5. Jack to the rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Here, Jack to the rescue." - Jesus, he recognizes that voice, and those fingers, that blue eyes...- "Drink it Gallagher, you´ll feel better in no time".  
> "Mickey...." - he gasped out - "Jesus, Mick, I..I.....I didn´t think I would see you again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was really tired when I wrote this, so it is not my best chapter so far. And so you know, the plot thickens from now on. There´s some serious shit about to happen. Oh, and if you´re waiting for smut, you´ll have to learn that patience really is a virtue. Enjoy!

_"Jesus fuck this feels so good...YOU feel so good, man... fuuuck..." Mickey was moaning in Ian's ear as the redhead picked up his pace slamming into him relentlesly. They haven't done this since Ian spent the night and  eventhough Mickey was only couple of minutes from getting married with his whole familly in the next room, he couldn't stop. He wanted Ian inside of him,wanted to kiss him, wanted to stay like this, connected together, forever._  

_"God I've missed you, Mick... let me kiss you... I wanna feel your lips," Ian was finally getting through to him, Mickey was kissing him, trailing his hands over Ian's strong arms holding him against the kitchen tiles. It lasted only couple of minutes, because they've missed eachother so much and they both wanted it badly, but it was different. It wasn't just fucking till you get off, it was almost like making love._

 

Ian abrutply opened his eyes and inhaled sharply. "Hey Ian! Ian, baby, look at me, you're ok, it's ok, I'm here..." he saw Richard kneeling beside him, caressing his face with one hand, holding his hand with the other.

What happened? Where was he? Why are all these people standing around, staring down on him? He turned his head to the right to see a man in dark green shirt giving Richard a glass, probably water, and then it dawned on him. Mickey.

He saw Mickey.

He felt Richard pulling him to sit against the bar , bringing the glass to his lips. " Here, drink this,"  He took couple of sips and inhaled deeply as his breathing slowed down a bit, and he slowly got up on his knees with Richard and Connor holding his armpits. People went on with their business seeing he was obviously feeling better. He seated himself  on the barstool and bowed his head down, just resting like that for couple of seconds, till he felt something cold and wet nudging his arm.He looked up and noticed it was a glass with some brown liquid in it, fingers with tatooes wrapping around it.

"Here, Jack to the rescue," Jesus, he recognizes that voice, and those fingers, that blue eyes... "Drink it Gallagher, you'll feel better in no time".

"Mickey,"he gasped out,"Jesus, Mick, I...I didn't think I would see you again."

"Yeah, I guess I kinda figured that out when you split thirteen years ago," Mickey ran his thumb slowly on his lower lip  making Ian's eyes glue to them like a magnet and his whole  body shiver. So manny years and he still has the way to get to him.  "So, what was that about?" he nodded his head towards the floor where Ian was laying not five minutes ago. "You sick or something?"

"Um... what? No, it's just crowded in here, and I didn't eat much today so... "

And even though the music was far too loud, there was an awkward silence between them for a moment, just their eyes holding the look. Mickey spoke first, his arms crossed on his chest.

"So? L.A., huh? Long way from West Point."

"Yeah? Well, Southside isn't close either. How's your family, Mick? " asking that made Ian slap himself internaly cause , to be honest, it was a question he didn't want to hear the answer to.

He could feel Mickey hesitate befor saying, "Good, good, um... Mathew is almost 13, oh, and his mom is here , she runs the club. Maybe you'd like to say hi or something," 

"Really, Mick? So you are a family man after all huh? Wife, kid, white picket fense..."  and before he could say something else he was, thank God,  cut off by a scream so loud it overpowered the music,

"Ian?! Oh my God! " Mandy was walking towards him with her arms open, practically running into him almost knocking him of his barstool, hugging him, squeezing like  she use to when they were teenagers and when she felt like it. Ian huged her back smiling, totally dumbfounded, not only was his ex lover here but his best friend too? Two of his favourite people were in the same place after all these years?

"Mandy? You're here too? Oh my God, look at you, you look beautiful. I can't belie-" he was cut of, feeling someone's grab on his shoulder, which he presumed was Richard.

"Hey, you're ready to go?" Richard didn't have the happiest face, he was clearly uncomfortable with Ian beeing so sociable, anyone could tell that the smile he gave them was probably the fakest there was.

"Hey Richard, this is Mandy and her brother Mickey, they are from my old neighborhood back in Chicago.This is Richard and that's Connor. Can you believe it? Seeing them here of all places?"

"Yes, well, that's nice. C'mon, Ian  let's go," Richard didn't even acknowledge their presence, while Connor waved his hand and nodded his head.

"You two go, I'll catch up with you. I'm gonna stay for awhile," he didn't even manage to sit back on his stool when he felt Richard's face getting closer to his, his eyes becoming darker ,reminding Ian on that day he cornered him against the wall.

"No, you're going home with us, now get up."

"Richard, they were my friends and I didn't see them in 13 years, I won't be long," he felt Richard's fingers pressing into the flesh of his arm, him close to Ian's ear gnashing.

"Are you talking back to me again? I thought we said  we're not gonna do this anymore, didn't we?"

"I'm not talking back to you, I just... ok, ok,  we'll go," it was better to just agree rather than cause a scene so he got up, "Hey Mandy,let me give you my number, maybe we could get together, talk or something."

"Yeah, I'd like that. I'll give you my card, there's an adress  if you wanna come over or, y´know, " she scribled something on the back and put it into his pocket carefully,without Richard noticing.

"Yeah, ok, so, um... I guess I'll see you around?  Bye, Mick. It was nice seeing you. "

"Yeah,  Gallagher... same here."

He  looked back over his shoulder as he left and saw the same look in Mickey's eyes that was there the moment he walked out of his room and out of his life.

 

 

Mandy and Mickey were sitting in her office upstairs, still taken aback with seeing Ian again after all this time. Music  from below was the only sound 'cause neither of them knew what to say. Mandy broke the silence eventually.

"Holy shit, imagine that... after 13 years you two end up in the same place, huh."

Mickey was nodding his head in disbelief. "Yeah... imagine that."

"So maybe you were right when you said you saw him a year ago. How are you feeling?"

How was he suppose to answer that? He didn´t know how he felt, happy that he saw him again, sad that Ian had  that special someone, mad because he didn't now what to say, what words to use.

"How the fuck do i know? Fine I guess. Look, if I don't get back to work  Jeff's gonna fire my ass."

"Fuck Jeff, I'm in charge here... go home, Mick, we'll talk about it tomorrow, ok?"

 

***

 

"Hey, is something wrong? You're kinda distant today, " they were in their usual hotel room, Alan leaned against the headboard smoking his after sex cigarette and Mickey at the table, with his pants already on, siping his beer and staring at his keys like they were the most wonderful thing in the world. It took Alan three attempts to snap him out of his stare and bring him back to reality.

"Huh?" he finally remembered he wasn't alone in the room.

"i said, you're awfully quiet today, something the matter?"

"Nah, i just... I saw my past yesterday, 's all."

"Yeah? Good part or the bad?"

"Dunno, both I suppose."

"So? How did this past look, or should I say how did _he_ look?" he presumed it was about a man, he knew Mickey for seven years now and there weren't a lot of things that Mickey was shaken by.

"Good, great... shit, feels kinda funny talking to you about it, man."

"Why? We're friends, there's nothing wrong with sharing something with your friend,"

Mickey got up buclikng his belt and putting on his tennis shoes. "We ain't friends Alan, we fuck, that's all there is to it. And I'm not talking to you about him."

Alan raised his hands in his defense, "Ok, ok, not friends, whatever you say Mickey."

"Anyway, gotta go, Matty's coming from school soon and his mother is out of town."

"He's 13 Mickey, you don't need to babysit him anymore."

"Gotta go man, alright?"

"Sure... We're up for saturday then?"

"Yeah, whatever," he took his shirt under his armpits and walked out.

 

***

 

2 days have passed and Ian stil couldn't stop thinking about Mickey. What were the odds of both of them being two thousand miles away from their homes, in the same city at the same time? Thoughts were running through his head like a speeding train.

If Mickey worked at the club that would mean he was in L.A. for some time now, and he said _Mathew_   was 13, so that would make him his kid, because that's about the time he got married. But Mickey said his mother runs the club and the card Mandy gave him had her own name as a club manager on it, so _she_ must be the kid's mother, but her last name is still Milkovich... unless something happened to the Russian and Mandy took over for her kid... but if he was Mandy s that would mean Mickey _doesn't_ have kids. Or maybe he does, only with someone else... maybe his dad did beat the faggot out of him finally. And Terry? What happened to Terry... and why are they even here in this town? JESUS, this is all so fucking complicated!

And Mickey...God, Mickey looked so good. Hasn't aged a bit, still beautiful, his hair still dark and lips perfect shade of pink even in the dim light. And he still does that thing with his thumb, that thing that makes him hot as fuck.

Thank God for Lisa , snaping him out of it before he got deeper.

"Ian, help me with this zipper honey, would you?" She was trying on dresses for her annual charity party, where all the big shots from the music and filming industry  got to show the world that they weren't just looks and brains, but also had big hearts. She couldn't have kids of her own so she dedicated her life to helping abandoned children all around the world. "You seem distracted these past couple of days, everything ok?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking about some stuff".

"Do these _stuff_   have something to do with that bruise under your eye, huh?"

He automatically reached for the yellow mark on his face that was still visible, even after an ice patch and lots of oils and creams, "Oh... um, no, I was clumsy, I fell, it's ok nothing".

"You sure? Doesn't look like it's from the fall. But hey, if you say so I guess it is what it is. Just remember,you know you can talk to me about everything, I'm here for you, ok?" she really was a god friend. Maybe he will tell her some day, but for now his life is nobody's business but his.

"I know Lisa, Iappreciate it, but it'ok really."

 

 ***

                              

He was sitting on his balcony, looking at the number written on the card Mandy gave him. It was Mickey's. He was smoking his fifth cigarette and it was only ten in the morning, and strange, cause he quit 8 years ago. Richard was  in Washington on business so he got to sleep late, plus Lisa gave him a day off, she said she needed her rest before her party the next day. After fumbling the card between his hands he droped it on the table to pour some more  coffee from the kitchen. His fingers were itching like crazy, wanting to type those digits into his phone and press call. Ten more minutes of fumbling the card he thought : _Fuck it._

 

*** 

                    

"Hey Matty! Wanna help with the dishes maybe? Your mom may not be here , but I aint letting you of the hook that easy. Get your ass down here and help me with the plates!" Matty was hoping down the stairs, smiling as he was reading,  what Mickey presumed was a text, from his phone. Leanne bought him his very own Iphone for his birthday and the kid didn't leave it out of his sight.

"We _do_ have a dish washer, Mickey, you know that, right?" he said still looking at the phone like it's got a map to a hidden treasure or something.

"I know, douchebag, but I ain't gonna wash two plates and a glass in it, am I?"

"So why do you need me if you have only two plates and a glass?"

"Oy, don't get smart with me kid. I know a thing or to I can teach you," the bell rang and Matty still had his eyes glued to  the phone , but went to open the door anyway. He was a polite kid and obedient. Mandy and him did a  fucking good job with him. "Get the door , and lay of the phone, you forgot you had homework?"

Matty just smirked to that question. When it came to school he was just like his father, his teacher said that he could be put in an advanced class, but Mandy declined, saying she won't deny his son to have fun going through life like everyone else.

"Yes?"

"Hi, I'm Ian. is your um... mother home?"

"Nope. Who is asking?"

"An old friend. And your dad?"

"He lives in New York. Was there something else you wanted?"

"Well, I was kinda... I thought maybe, fuck, do you know where Mickey Milkovich lives?"

"Uncle Mickey? He's in the kitchen. Should I go get him?" Matty asked, finally rising his head from the phone and puting it in his back pocket.

Before Ian could tell him to forget it and was all ready to leave, a voice from the apartment shouted; " Who's at the god damned door?"

"Someone named Ian, he's looking for you."

The next thing they heard was a sound of dishes breaking.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all of those who are sticking to the story : Thank you , thank you , thank you.
> 
> xoxo


	6. Why did you leave?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeing his eyes stuck on Richard and his nostrils growing wider, Ian recognised the face of Mickey that meant trouble and nothing but. So he stood up and placed himself between his oblivious boyfriend and the raging Mickey acting somewhat like a buffer zone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I´m pretty pissed at myself, seems like I can´t write a happy fic about these two dorks.. Anyway, here´s the new chapter, a bit sad but .....  
> Enjoy!

"Someone named Ian."

 

His body trembled to the sound of that name and his hand droped the wet plate, startling everyone as it hit the floor. Matty ran over to the kitchen with Ian following behind him. They heard couple of loud _fucks_ coming from Mickey as he was picking up the broken pieces from the tiles.

"Mickey, you ok?" Ian moved past Matty, lowering himself to the floor next to the cursing Mickey,"Shit Mickey, your hand is bleeding, let me see that," he reached for his hand but Mickey abruptly snatched it away, leaving ian taken aback with his reaction.

"I'm fine Gallagher, I bled worse, this is nothing," he got up reaching under the counter for the trash can and carefully throwing the broken plate in it, "What are you doing here anyway? And how'd you know where I live?"

"Mandy wrote your adress along with a phone number on the back of her card. " 

"Well she shouldn't have," the cold water against his bloody tatooed knuckles  burned  under the skin and he hissed to the feeling. Nonetheless he stayed like that, leaned over the sink, not wanting to turn around and face those big green eyes he loved so much. He could feel Ian's stare on him and for some reason his heart started beating faster and faster with every second, "Which brings us to what the fuck are you doing here?"

Matty sensed the tension between then and figured it would be best to leave two of them alone. He knew his uncle was gay, Mickey explained it to him when he was 8, so he presumed this had something to do with that. He excused himself and hopped up the stairs fidling on his new phone.

"I don't know. Just... wanted to see you, and Mandy, I guess,"His voice was shaky but he still held his gaze on the man in front of him.

"Uh-huh, well you've seen me and Mandy ain't here so why don't you excuse yourself and leave before your who-ever-the-fuck-he-is puts another ornament on your face."

 Ian insinctevely ran his hand over the bruise,"What? Oh, no, it's not... I just fe-"

"Fell, right. God you're stupid Gallagher. You think I don't recognize a shiner when I see one?  I've given it plenty  in my days, you gotta give me a little credit."

"Yeah well, it's non of your business," Ian didn't know whether to be angry or ashamed, but he couldn't bother explaining it to him,"Shit, I knew this was a bad idea," He was almost through the door when Mickey stoped him.

"Wait. You're right, it's non of my business. Look, we're grown ass men, we can have a grown ass conversation right? Here," he handed him a beer as they both went to sit at the table.

"Nice place, looks expensive."

"Yeah, Matty's dick of a dad is loaded, pays hell of an alimony. And the club's good too."

"It's better than my, that's for sure."

"You've got your own place huh?"

"Yeah, it's small, but the view is awesome."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, I've had it for few years now, I lived with... someone when I first came to L.A. but it got kinda crowded, so it was time for me to mo-"

Mickey knew they could spent the day talking about whatever stupid shit they wanted but that wasn't why Ian was here. So he figured he'll start first.

"Why'd you leave?" Ian was definitely surprised with the question if almost choking on his beer is a sign.

"What?"

"What what? I said why did you leave?"

"Jesus Mick, you really wanna go down there again?"

"So what, you came here to chit-chat about the wether or something? Why did you leave?" It surprised Mickey how calm he was on this matter. But he could see Ian nervously looking around, everywhere but at  Mickey.

"You know why I left, don't bullshit me, I've sa-"

"If I did smartass I wouldn've asked now, would I? So one more time, why did you leave?"

"Because... because of you," It was true, but Mickey still hoped that maybe somehow he wouldn't be the reason.

"Oh? Did I make you or something? Cause I don't remember holding a gun to your head..."

"Jesus Mick, you're really turning it on me ? Seriously? You're the one that got married, what was I suppose to do, huh? Be your secret fuck couple of times a week? Wait for you to wiggle your way out of your wife's arms every time you felt like having a dick fuck you instead of her?"

"Well I never fucked her, not after... "he cleared his throat but still kept his eyes on the bottle in his hand,"..Anyway, I ain't married no more. Bitch tried to plant some black asshole's kid, so I fucked her off."

"Shit. Bet Terry wasn't happy with that."

"Got stabed in jail couple of months after you left."

"Oh, I... I'm sorry."

"Yeah, bet you are."

They both laughed and it kinda relaxed the tension between them a little.

"And you? Army let you go?"

"Nah, I left after couple of months. Got sick of it."

"No shit, I remember when all you talked about was going to West point."

"Ah yes, good old days..."That was one more thing he tried his whole life to forget,"So how's life? You're seeing someone?"

"Kinda."

"A man?"

"Fuck off... yeah. Well I'm not seeing him, we fuck, that's all."

"Really? So haven't changed a bit huh?"

"Fuck you," the words hurt, they both remembered the same thing but Mickey still didn't want to admit it. He got up turning around from Ian when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, I'm sorry , I didn't mean it like that Mick."

"What do you want Ian? You wanna see me break again, finish off what's left of me?"

"What do you mean break , you broke me you asshole, I was falling for you and you fucked off to get married ? I mean _what the fuck_? Made me think we had something and then mock me  and every moment we spent together?"

"Me mocking you? Are you fucking kidding me? I did it for you you stupid idiot. I wanted you to live, even if it meant never to see you again."

"What are you talking about, you did it for me? You got married for me? Really Mick?"

Jesus this man is stupid, how could he have thought he meant nothing? "Yes! I fucking did it for you, if I didn't he said he was gonna... "

"Who was gonna what? Mick!"

"It doesn't matter anymore, it was 13 years ago, there's no going back now is there?"

"Please, tell me Mick, talk to me for once,"and there were those puppy eyes that always did Mickey in. Well he might as well be honest now, no point of hiding it anymore.

"My dad... he said he was gonna kill you and make me watch if I didn't do it."

"Oh my god, why didn't you say something?"

"What good would it do anyway? Can't you see Ian? I could never give you anything more than  a couple of secret fucks every now and then and you deserved better than that. Ah fuck, leave it be man, it's in the past."

"You fucking dick! I left thinking you played me like a fool, that I didn't mean anything... and I was breaking every fucking day, thinking about you fucking her and laughing at me. JESUS Mickey!"

Mickey walked to the door and held it open for Ian,"Well now you know. So , it was great seeing you and all but you better go now, this walk down the memory lane is over."

"Well can I at least call you sometimes, maybe we could go out, with Mandy y'know?"

"Thanks, but no thanks... Look, I gotta get ready for work man. You can see yourself out."

 

***

 

The night was slow, not much work which gave Mickey enough time to take couple of long breaks. With Mandy in Miami (visiting Mark's family and going over the last preparations for the upcoming wedding) and Matty at Leanne's, he decided to stay a bit longer than usual. He was exchanging looks with some guy almost entire night so when the guy finally approached him he didn't hesitate. He told Jeff he was leaving , grabbed his jacket and headed out. He never took guys home and since this one was from out of town, they decided to do it in his car. Yes it was uncomfortable and he was probably gonna get a cramp or something but if it's gonna take his mind of a certain ginger, it'll be worth it.

He was walking out the door whe he was stoped by a 190 pounds Puertorican bouncer Jose, Mickey's good, maybe even best friend of 7 years. He put something in his pocket wiggling his eyebrows saying "Some guy said to give it to you and I don't think you should pass it pappy, if you know what I mean... "

"Oh is that right? Hot, huh?"He took it as a yes when Jose nodded, "So why don't you take him home then amigo, I'm covered for tonight,"he pointed to the guy behind him.

"Well I like my boys to be just a little more black if you catch my drift, homes."

"Still into a black dick huh? You know what they say baby, it ain't the quantity, it's the quality my friend. "

"Yeah yeah, let them tell me that when a 180 pounds of pure muscle with an 8inch cock pounds my puertorican ass."

"Well I'll be damned Jose, never guessed you were a bottom."

"Would you keep your voice down? I've got a rep to uphold, homes," Jose laughrd quietly, "Looks like your guy's packin too, there shall be some serious ass damage tonight pappy. Just remember baby, if you need an ointment I'd be happy to rub it in."

They were already entering the garage when Mickey remembered a crumpled piece of paper in his pocket. It was a phone number with something barely readable written under it, but what caught his attention was the name below. Ian. There was an adress below the number and _Please call, I'll wait, Ian_. He stared at it for couple of seconds before puting it back in his pocket and climbing  into the back seat.

 

***

 

It was saturday afternoon when Mickey walked into the hotel room. Alan was already there, sitting cross legged on the bed,probably checking his mail on his laptop, just like he did every time waiting for Mickey to show up. He hadn't lifted his head up when he finally heard him come in.

"Hey, you're late. I thought you weren't coming."

Mickey closed the door and sat on a chair next to him,"Well I'm here aint I?"

Alan got up to grab a beer from the small fridge. "Jesus, I was just saying... So you wanna beer first or something?"

"No, look... I don't think I'm gonna be able to do this today,"Mickey had his head down and elbows on the knees, Alan guessed something was obviously wrong.

"Ok... something hapened? With that thing we talked about last time?"

"Fuck," it wasn't strange for Alan to know him so much, they have been in this, what could you even call it, relationship? for seven years, " something like that. Look, I better go, i'm not much of a company anyway."

"Mickey, we don't have to fuck every time we see eachother. We could just talk, y'know? You should try it sometimes, it's not that bad."

"You should know, you make a living out of talking. Why do you do this?"

"What, my job?"

"Nah man, this... us... Don't you feel like an asshole doing this to your family?"

"Look Mickey. I love my wife more than you can imagine, I don't know what I'd do without her... and my baby girl, well, she'll always be my world. I just like fucking guys, well, _you_ to be exact, occasionally. I know you like it and you know I like it and most importantly, you won't ask me to leave my wife and run away to Bahamas with you... Are you?

"Fuck you, no... So, if i don't wanna do this anymore you'd be ok with it?"

"I guess, it's your decision. I'd be sad, I really do like fucking you, but hey, if that's what you want... "

"It's just, I don't know what i want. I'm almost 32, I live with m sister, fuck random guys, the only consistent thing in my life beside my job is, well, you."

"Wait, this isn't the time when you declare your eternal love to me or some shit? Cause you know i don-"

"No, relax dude... it's just, when I saw him, I started thinking about my life, y'know? Like, my sister's getting married, Matty's almost 13, soon he'll be telling me to fuck off... Ah fuck, I sound like those sappy teenage bitches from those movies Mandy liked to watch.  Shit."

"So, this guy. You love him?"

"I dunno, I guess. But it doesn't matter anymore."

"Why not? If you love him you should try at least talking to him, maybe he feels the same, who knows?"

"He's with someone, besides, it's all shit with us. Always was, always would be. Can't see it being any different."

They talked like that for over an hour. He told Alan all about them, from the first time he walked into the Kash'n'Grab wanting to smash his face in, to Ian standing in his bedroom doorway waiting for him to say something, anything and Mickey pussying out. Alan was a good listener, Mickey thought it was some kind of proffessional malformation or something.

"See? It wasn't so hard now, was it?... Well, we do have a room for like an hour or so if you wanna..."

"Shit, no use waisting it then huh?"

 

***

 

He was sitting in his usual place in the cafe on the beach, the same one he goes to for eleven years now, writing and then deleting texts to Ian, he didn't want to send them 'cause maybe Ian wasn't alone or maybe he changed his mind after writing that note to him. He cursed a loud fuck when he accidentally pressed send instead of cancel. But it was ok, it wasn't really a messagge, it was just three little dots and a question mark. he was surprised when Ian texted back not only couple of seconds later.

**_Mick?_ **

_Yeah. how´ve you been and all?_

**_Whoa, always so eloquent Mick.I´m working_ **

_oh, k, sorry_

**_no, no, it's fine,I can text, I'm checking  Lisas mail anyway so_ **

_lisa?_

**_my boss_ **

_Mandy's getting married, you believe that_

**_yeah, she invited me to the wedding_ **

_oh, I didn't know you talk to her_

**_we_ _text_ _mostly ,you´re working tonight?_ **

_Yes, saturday, the bussiest night_

**_I told Mandy I'll try to come by, but if that's a problem i could come some other time_ **

_nah, no problem_

**_well, gotta go, see you tonite I guess_ **

_right, tonite_

 

_***_

 

Jeff was in charge of the club tonight since Mandy called in sick at the last minute said she wasn't feeling well,  and whe Jeff was in charge there wasn't a soul on this planet that wanted to be here. He threw couple of insults at him , but Mickey shruged it off and went to his own business, when Jose came to stand by him.

"Don't worry about him amigo, I've heard he's not gettin' any, apparently his old lady don't put out no more...Ay, listen, you ever called that number I gave you? From the other night?"

"No man, had a lot on my mind."

"Maybe you could talk in person 'cause the guy is at the bar."

 

Ian was sitting with his elbows leaned against the bar and his dick of a boyfriend plastered all over his back. Mickey's heart dropped to his feet. He told himself he was ok with Ian coming to the club, but seeing him here made all emotions Mickey never admitted of having but did and all the  memories hit him in the chest like a fucking boomerang.

But what was he supposed to say, that he doesn't want him here? That he was fucking broken that day when he let that guy fuck him in the back seat of a godamn chevy like a fucking teenage girl on prom night? Or that he cried like a pussy all the way home after? Fuck that shit. He didn't want Ian to know he still filled the big part of his heart. He didn't want him to know how fucking jelaous he was of this fucker behind him, touching him, kissing him, drawing moans out of him that were only  Mickey's.

He ignored Jose's stupid jokes and walked to the bar. He wasn't a pussy, he wasn't gonna leave, although that thought did cross his mind in the past couple of minutes. He fliped Jose off and lifted his head as he walked to his workplace. But the sight that welcomed him made the breath in his lungs stop.

Ian's perfect face was broken. His beautiful pink lips, lips Mickey regrets to this day not kissing nearly enough, was split, his big green puppy eyes  barely visible from the big fresh bruise forming underneath it and Mickey's heart sank as low as it could.

His Ian, his beautiful Ian was hurt. He gasped at the sighed and Ian must have heard it because he turned his head to the sound and when he saw Mickey his face lit up and his eyes shone like he was a child in a toy store, but when he smiled at him Mickey could see the tiny blood drops coming from a crust on his lip. Mickey felt pain cutting through his chest like a dagger. He instinctively clenched his fists, his eyes glued to the asshole behind Ian and when Ian greeted him the only thing that rolled of his tounge was;"He did that to you?"

Seeing his eyes stuck on  Richard and his nostrils growing wider, Ian recognised the face of Mickey that meant trouble and nothing but. So he stood up and placed himself between his oblivious boyfriend and the raging Mickey acting somewhat like a buffer zone.

"Mick stop, it's not what it looks like, please... "Ian pleaded, putting a hand on Mickey's chest trying to push him away.

"It's not what it looks like. _It's not what it looks like?_   Well why don't you enlighten me then Gallagher, cause it sure as shit looks like your face has been painted with this assholes fists," he moved Ian's hand from his chest, and in any other time he would have never done that because he never realised untill now how fucking much he craved his touch, but this moment wasn't about him. This was about helping a man he loves, about saving him from the horror of this motherfucker's hands.

He launched forward, directing his fists towards Richard's face and hit hard, as hard as he could, making the man fall flat on his back.

What Mickey learned from all the fights he was in in his early days was: never underestimate your opponent, no matter how he looks. And an opponent like the one right in front of him was definitely someone who must not be underestimated. Because not even seconds after his back hit the floor, Richard was standing in all of his 6 feet 2 inches right in front of Mickey's face, and before Mickey new it, he felt his nose crack and the familiar taste of blood filling his mouth as he stumbled backwards and hit the cold marble floor beneath.

With a glimpse of an eye he saw Ian pushing Richard's chest, screaming something he didn't quite understand and then Richard punching Ian in the jaw so hard his blood ended up on Mickey's shirt, and that was it.

That was _THE_ moment when Mickey will change everything. That was Terry all over again. That was Ian beeing _hurt_ by Terry's fists. That was Ian bleeding from his mouth _because_ _of_ Terry's fists. That was Ian looking at Mickey on that couch with  his eyes full of love and sadness and it was all the same. Except this time Mickey _will_ do something, he _will_ save Ian, it doesn't matter if he himself ends up dead, this time Ian _will not_ be hurt.

He doesn't really remember much after getting up from the floor and launching towards Richard.

He remembers seeing people at the club yelling something he didn't hear, he remembers Ian trying to pull him away from Richard, Jeff steping between the two men and  Jose running towards them, he remembers grabbing a bottle from the bar and slamming it over Richard's head, Richard stumbling backwards, holding a broken bottle and bringing it close to Mickey´s neck. The last thing he remembers is a knife going through Richard's stomach  bringing them both down, blood on the knife handle in his own hand. After that, black. Nothing.

It must have past quite some time because when he opened his eyes, there was police everywhere, paramedics putting Richard on the stretcher, wrapping a mask around his nose and mouth. And there was Ian, kneeling beside Mickey, holding his hand, his eyes red and filled with tears saying : "It's ok, it's ok, you'll be ok, everything will be ok, I love you, I love you... shhh." But his voice was soon muffled by the one of the policeman putting handcuffs on his hands, telling him to stand up, saying words Mickey hoped never to hear in his life again: _You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used..._

He asked him, "Sir, do you have a lawyer you want to call?"

His answer was quick.

"Call Alan James Wellington."


	7. Deja vú

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They took his clothes away, he emptied the content of his pockets into a small plastic box together with his belt and a watch, and signed the inventory stating he had a wallet, a phone, one pack of Marlboro cigarettes, a lighter and a paper Jose gave him with Ian's number on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, kids were sick, then I was sick and now my husband is sick..I know, I know...Anyway, here it is, I'm not too happy with it, but then again, I'm never happy with anything I write. Not much happening here, but we get to the good part in the next chapter.

The  streets of Los Angeles were alive, the lights were illuminating the buildings and  the city was bathing in blue , an every now and then you could see a long line of people waiting in front of the restaurants and bars.

It wasn't the first time Mickey Milkovich was looking at the city through the window of a police car.  And he really thought all of that shit was behind him. He managed to avoid it for 13 years, but trouble seems to have the way of creeping up on him when he least expected it.

 

They were taking him to the station for questioning, he knew the procedure pretty well by now, but somehow it was diferent from his stints in juvie. He wasn't a minor anymore, he understood the weight of his actions and the consequences that came with that. The thought of not seeing Ian for a long time however, was stabbing him in the heart like a dagger.

They took his clothes away, he emptied the content of his pockets into a small plastic box together with his belt and a watch, and signed the inventory stating he had a wallet, a phone, one pack of Marlboro cigarettes, a lighter and a paper Jose gave him with Ian's number on it. They fingerprinted him, took his picture and filled the procedings asking him about his name, adress and some other questions they usually ask when someone is arrested. He didn't even register when they swaped the inside of his mouth for a DNA sample. He got to make a phone call but he refused. Who is he gonna call anyway? Ian? His sister?

Alan showed up about an hour later, Mickey could see him through the glass window of the interview room, showing his identification to a police officer behind the reception desk.

"Jesus Mickey, what did you do? They say you tried to kill a guy, I mean, what the fuck?" Alan put his briefcase on the table where Mickey's hands   were handcuffed and folded. Mickey was calm, well as calm as someone in this situation can be.

"I wasn't, that asshole had a broken bottle aimed at my throat. I did what I had to do." He shrugged his shoulders looking at his cuffed hands.

"Well the good thing is _asshole_   is stabile, hopefully he stays that way, the knife was luckily only 2 inches and it didn't puncture any vital organ.  They say some surgery and a week or two and he should be out of a hospital."

"Fucker lived, huh? I guess I should have twisted that kni -" he didn't get to finish the sentence because Alan cut him off , motioning that he stop talking, nodding towards the camera in the corner of a room ceiling. He lowered his head and got closer to Mickey.

"Mickey cut the shit, what's wrong with you? I've known you for seven years and I'd never thought I'd represent you in an attempted murder case... Cause that's what they're going with. You stabbed a guy Mick, This is not a  joke. He could have died."

"Yeah, well maybe he sho -" he glanced at the camera and continued in a lower voice "maybe he should have. After what he did to him..." He rested his  head  on the table as he remembered seeing Ian's face broken and beaten.

"So what? This is over some guy? You were jelous or something? This was a crime of passion ?"

"No! I mean yes. but it's not just _some guy_." He covered his face with his hands and after a while continued  "Shit, shit, shit. How do I get out of this, man?"

"Ok, first let's start from the beginning. What happened excatly? And you know that whatever you say stays within these walls. Just speak quietly and try not to look too nervous, don't stare at the camera, just relax and we'll get through this, ok? So who attacked first?"

Alan was writing everything Mickey told him about what he remembered.

"Ok, let me get this straight. You approached him first? With a fist in his face?" Alan got up and put his hands on his waist in frustration. He sighed and looked at Mickey for a couple of seconds before continuing " May I ask what the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't , aright? I saw... I saw Ian with a black eye and a busted lip I just snapped."

"Now, about the knife. Where did you get it? Is it yours, do you carry it on you always?" He sat back in a chair and took his pen again.

"Shit, I dunno, I didn't have it on me, I don't even know how it got in my hand. It's not even mine." Mickey didn't even own a knife, he had couple of guns at home but he never carried them around. He figured the knife must have been on the floor or the bar before he picked it up. The thing was, he didn't even remember stabbing a guy untill the cops showed up.

"So what happened when you punched him first?" Alan continued writing im his notebook.

"He fell, I guess I threw a good one huh?" Mickey smirked, much to Alan's annoiance.

"Shit Mickey, this isn't funny. You could do some serious time for carrying a knife alone, not to mention the hole in the guy's stomach, you are fucked."

"So? I've been fucked my whole life, it's nothin new to me. I don't know why I even thought it would be different out here..."

"God damn, I can't work with you like this. Be serious so we can get this over with , we don't have much time. Your preliminary is in couple of hours . We gotta have a plea by the time of the arraignment, hopefully you'll be out until that. Now, I suggest you plead guilty, you don't want this to go to trial. I may be able to have them change the charges to  aggravated assault, we can claim it was in  self defense then. "

"Look, there's something I haven't told you... I got a record already, I was couple of times in juvie back in Chicago, and I um.... kinda stabbed a guy in there, I mean it wasn't serious or anything , it was a plastic fork, but still."

"Jesus Mickey, I feel like I don't even know you. Ok, ok, I'll try to work something out, I'll get them to give me your record, we'll see if we could state that this was a justified use of force, then it would not matter if you did or did not have a criminal past.  How are you with money?"

"I got some saved, maybe couple of thousand. I dunno if it will be enough for your."

"No, don't worry about me, I'm doing this pro bono. I was thinking about bail. "

"Oh um, I guess I could get some from Mandy or Leanne maybe, how much do you think it'll be?"

"Well, the last case I had that was somewhat similar to yours got 40 grand, but you only pay 10 percent. Don't take it for granted, I have yet my job to do. We'll see if the judge grants you bail, I gotta go see who I'm up against. If it's that bitch Moreno , we're fucked. She takes no shit from anyone. No way she's gonna offer us a deal,"  Alan closed his briefcase and straightened his suit," They're gonna take you to your cell now, just don't talk to anyone, not the guards, not the inmates, noone, understand?" Micky nodded and Alan turned to the door. "Wish me luck, I hope  I'm gonna be able to save your ass,"

Mickey thought about making a sarcastic remark about that line but he remembered that the Big Brother is watching his every move. So he just looked at Alan and said "Hey... Thank you."

"No need to thank me yet, wait till you walk out of here," He grabed a knob, but stoped for a second and faced Mickey one more time "You must really love this guy, huh?" Mickey didn't say anything back but the look in his eyes told Alan everything. "I just hope he loves you as much," He walked out of the room as one of the guards entered to take Mickey to holding cell.

 

***

 

"Hey," Ian said quietly in the phone. He hasn't heard from his brother in 13 years, apart from a text or two every couple of months. He knew Lip was pissed when he found out that he used his name to enlist. But luckily it didn't effect Lip's college education, so he thought at least something good came from it.

"Hello? Who's this?" Lip murmured in a soft sleepy voice. Ian forgot the time difference, he almost hung up, but when he remembered why he was calling him he gathered some courage and spoke.

"Hey big bro, how you doing?" His voice was trembling.

"Jesus! Ian? Is that you?!" Lip got up off the bed and took the phone with him to the kitchen, not wanting to wake up Amanda. "What the fuck man? "

"Look, I know i've fucked up everything -"

"You think?" Lip retorted.

"Just shut up and let me speak, alright? I know I've fucked up everything, and I know i am the last person you want to take shit from now, but I need you to help me Lip, ok?" His voice was shaky and Lip must have sensed it because Ian could hear him sigh and calm down before he spoke.

"Ok, what is it?"

"Richard's in hospital," Ian blurrted out without any emotion in his voice. He heard Lip whisper "No shit, what happened? Is he ok?" Lip knew about Richard, Ian might have mentioned him in couple of texts, back when he thought Richard was one of the  good ones, and he wanted his brother to know that he finally found someone decent, someone who is gonna take him see places. "He got stabbed in a bar, but it's nothing serious. They say he'll make it through."

"Jesus, how the fuck did that happen? Were you with him? Are you hurt?"

"Yes, and no, I'm not hurt. Well, what's a busted lip and a black eye for a Gallagher anyway, right?" That was true, he was beaten before, this was nothing new to him. Shit, even Lip and him had a fight or two.

"Shit, they know who did this? " Ian contemplated whether to tell Lip about Mickey, he knows Mickey was never Lip's favourite person, and it didn't matter that he knew Ian loved him. He was always being overprotective about his little brother. But the reason for this late night call was mickey, so Ian took a deep breath and closed his eyes before answering.

He simply said "Mickey."

"Mickey who? Mickey Milkovich? Fuck Ian, are you getting involved with him again? Where the hell is he even, he left Chicago like 10 years ago. Don't fucking tell me you two left together?"

"It's not like that, Lip. I've seen him maybe couple of weeks ago after 13 years, we didn't even know we were living in the same fucking city all this time."

"So why did he stab your boyfriend? Jelaous much?"

"No, he saw bruises on me," Ian lowered his head down with shame, as if Lip was right in front of him and not miles away.

"What bruises? Someone kicked your ass?"

"Shit, might as well tell you. Richard's been using me for a punch bag lately. And Micke-"

"Whoa whoa, stop! You let some guy hit you? No no, you let your _boyfriend_ hit you? You didn't fight back or something, Jesus Ian, you could kick my ass at fifteen, how the fuck did you not kick his ass back?" But Ian didn't feel like this was the moment to be talking about Richard now, he had other things on his mind, more important things.

"I can't... That's not why I called you. I want you to help me get Mickey out of jail. You're a lawyer, right?"

"First of all I specialize in corporations law, I'm not a criminal defense lawyer. And secondly, are you really asking me what I think you are?"

"I... I love him, Lip," There, he said it. Eventhough his brother knew from day one that that's how Ian felt, he still didn't think Mickey was ever good for him. He wasn't excatly the most lovable person in the world, and he sure never shown any  emotion towards anybody.

"Jesus Ian..."

"Yeah, I know I'm an idiot and I know he hurt me too many fucking times in the past, but that's just what it is, Lip. The past. He's different now, he'd changed. People can change, right?"

"Yes, people can, a Milkovich can't."

"See? Noone knows him like I do. Everyone thinks he's just a bum, a lowlife and nobody. And he may be nobody to the world, but he's somebody to me , Lip."

"God, what am I gonna do with you, little brother?"

"Help me keep the man I love from jail."

"Shit, do you even hear what  that sounds like?"

"Fuck you." Ian laughed, and he could feel Lip smiling too.

"Alright, alright. Does he have an attorney?"

"Yeah, some Alan guy, I don't know. Mandy will probably tell me if I ask her."

"Mandy? She's with you?" Lip asked in low voice, Ian noticing how mere mention of her name still stirred something inside of him.

"She lives with Mickey."

"Is she-"

"She's great, getting married soon. So you're gonna help me or not?" Ian hurried.

"Fuck. Sure I'm gonna help you, when did I ever let you down? Tell me where to come and I'll be there on a first plane."

After giving Lip his adress and everything, Ian had one more thing to do before finding out what was going on with Mickey. He had to call Mandy.

 

***

 

"OK, good news. I've managed to get them dissmis the charges of attempted murder to an aggravated assault, we're claiming it as a self-defense. Don't ask me how I did it, I just did, ok? Maybe I'll tell you some day, just so you know, it wasn't an easy bargain. Your arrainment is in about forty minutes. It's brief and quick, don't worry about it. Anyway, DA offered us a deal and I strongly suggest you take it. You plead guilty and you won't do time, you get probation and possibly some community service hours. And your prior convictions go unmentioned. But we'll se what the judge says about it, hopefully he accepts. If he for some reason doesn't accept the deal , well, let's just say we are screwed."

Mickey was looking at Alan, he knew he was a good guy, and he felt kinda bad for using him like this. To help his secret fuck buddy with a rap sheet  from going to jail for stabbing his ex-lover's violent boyfriend. Now that's a good story for a TV show.

"So what happens if the judge accepts it, am I to go immediately or?"

"Yes, after some paperwork. But we still have to get to that. Stay calm and answer to whatever the judge asks you. C'mon, we're up in couple of minutes,"  Alan went to stand by the door as the guard put handcuffs back on Mickey and led him to the courtroom.

 

***

 

"Case number 32696, Comonwealth versus Michael Milkovich, charges of Aggravated assault." The clerk read from the file while Mickey was ushered  by a guard to stand in front of the judge.

"Alan Wellington for the defense, Your honnor, my client pleads guilty , reason of self-defense."

"Jared Mantell for the Comonwealth, we accept the plea of guilty and seek a sentencing due to a reached settlement."

The old gray haired man with thick glasses  fiddled with some papers in front of him  and looked down at Alan. "Mr. Wellington, your client enters a plea of   guilty?"

"Yes, Your honnor."

"And Mr. Mantell, I understand you have reach a settlement in this matter?"

"Yes, Your honnor, we have agreed to a probation and community service, as long as Mr. Milkovich completes an approved anger management course.”

Judge Portman  turned to Mickey: "Mr. Milkovich, you know that by pleading guilty to this charges you lose the right to a jury trial? Are you giving up that right?"

"Yes, Your honnor" Mickey nodded his head.

"Did anyone in any way force you into accepting this settlement?"

"No, Your honnor."

"All right. Please stand up for sentencing. Mr. Milkovich you are hereby sentenced to 12 hours in jail, which you have already served, and to four years probation, on condition that you complete a court-approved anger management course. The court is also sentencing you to 176 hours of community service."

Mickey was escorted out of the courtroom even before the judge slammed  his little hammer on his desk and yelled _Next_! Alan was shaking hands with the tall blonde DA and he winked at Mickey, like saying _I did it, I saved your ass, you don't have to worry about anything_.

 

***

 

It was already 2 in the afternon when the guard opened the door and Mickey steped outside, the smell of the  warm L.A. street air hitting him straight in the face. He carried a small bag with his belongings. And the sight that welcomed him was just the same as it was all those years ago, when he was released from juvie the second time. There were two people waiting for him, eventhough a bit olde , his sister and Ian.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come bother me : one-toomany.tumblr.com


	8. What happened to us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Here,” Ian pointed to the brown couch in the middle of the living room, “you can sit there. Just let me get us a beer. You wanna beer? I got some whiskey I think, and maybe some vodka but I guess it’s too early for that right?” Ian obviously shared the same nervousness as Mickey if this blabbering of his was any indication. Mickey was glad he wasn’t alone in this, whatever this was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, please don't hate me. I just had so much going on in my life these past few months. But I promise to update the last two chapters by the end of the month.*crosses fingers*
> 
> Anyway, this was nor proofread so forgive me for my mistakes.

 

Ian’s apartment was on the third floor. The building was nice and clean and Mickey couldn’t help but shake his head in disbelief, thinking how far they’d both come from that poor dirty as fuck shithole they were born in. It was maybe a half an hour after he came to Venice that he gathered the courage and actually buzzed Ian and entered the building. He stood in front of the elevator for couple of more minutes, contemplating whether to push the call button or simply take the stairs.

 

He eventually decided to walk up to the third floor, it gave him more time to maybe change his mind and turn around. But he knew this has to be resolved sooner or later, Ian can’t just tell him he loved him and leave it at that. Mickey thought that he himself at least deserved an explanation.

 

He hopped the stairs two at the time and came to stand in front of a brown polished door with a name Gallagher scribbled in black letters on a brass rectangular plate across it’s middle. Something in his chest vibrated at the very sight of that name and he inhaled as deeply as he could just to calm his nerves and his twitching fingers. He raised a hand knocking three times while he still had some courage and determination in him.

  


***

 

_The car ride home from the county jail was unusually quiet and calm. After everything that happened just the night before Mickey thought that the first thing his sister would do was  yell at him and slap him on the head at least. But finding out she was pregnant must have softened her a bit, made her more serene in some ways. So when Mickey went past that door and crossed the street all she could do was  hug him tight. “Let’s just go home,” was all she said._

_Mickey was in the back seat behind his sister, with Ian on the passenger’s seat and Mandy driving. The car was Mark’s and he had a habit of not letting anyone except Mandy drive it._

_They didn’t talk, neither of them. Mickey knew not to bring up the events from the night before, especially not with Ian here. After all it was his boyfriend that Mickey put in a hospital and he wasn’t sure where Ian stood when it came to the whole thing._

_But when he looked at the rear view mirror and saw Ian’s eyes bored deeply into his, he couldn’t help but keep his gaze there. He just wasn’t strong enough to look away. And God, the way the redhead was looking at him… His eyes were saying so much, from I’m sorry I left, and I never stopped thinking about you to I still feel the same, I still love you._

_Mandy broke the silence after almost twenty minutes; “You going home or?” she turned to Ian._

_Ian cleared his throat, “No, I gotta go to Lisa’s, she’s expecting me. Gotta help her organize some benefit or something,” he replied and returned his gaze to Mickey. The two of them  continued with their silent eye game when Mandy pulled into the driveway. “This it?” she asked._

_Ian nodded, “Yeah.” He opened the door and stepped out of the car, but before closing the door he poked his head in; “You think you could swing by my place later on?” he looked at Mickey giving him one-shouldered shrug, “Y’know, to catch up on things. I mean if you haven’t already made plans.”_

_Mickey was caught off guard and barely composed himself, but he managed to clear his throat; “Um yeah, sure,” he said and Ian nodded in agreement. He watched as the redhead gave Mandy a quick kiss on the cheek and closed the door, crossing the drive way and coming to stand before the big grey  gate. Mandy put the car into the gear and they drove off, but Mickey spun around to spare another look at Ian through the back window. Their eyes met when he saw Ian looking in their direction. Ian then bowed his head and entered the gate._

_Now that there were only Mandy and him in the car he felt like he should say something, apologize at least. He knew the damage his reckless actions did to the club and the last thing he wanted was for Mandy to be dragged into this against her will, especially now that she was pregnant and had enough work with all the preparations for her upcoming wedding. So he figured he’d start with saying he’s sorry for bringing her into this mess. “Look Mands, I’m really sorry that this happened and all, and I know i’ve probably brought bad reputation to the club,” he fidgeted with the brown bag on his lap and looked up to meet her eyes. “But you should have seen him, Jesus fucking Christ, his face was all-”_

_“Look, I get that you still feel for him or whatever, and we both know you can be overprotective sometimes, but it doesn’t give you the right to play his vigilante every fucking time something happens to him,” Mandy stated, keeping her eyes on the road but giving him quick pointed looks in the rear view mirror._

_“I do not play his vigil-...” he exclaimed,”” when have I ever played his vigilante, huh?_

_“How about that time when you beat up that doctor in the middle of the street?” Mandy raised her voice, “Or when you got shot? Twice!” He furrowed his brows and opened his mouth to protest but his sister was quicker. “What, you don’t remember that Ian told me everything about his mystery man? Mind you, I didn’t know it was my own fucking brother at the time, did I?”_

_“That wasn’t like it seemed to be. That was… different,” he bowed his head down and sighed._

_“Yeah, that was you being jealous as oppose to last night when you were, oh! wait, jealous!” she retorted, “Again!”_

_“So what was I suppose to do, huh? Leave him like that, let him go back home with that, that… asshole so that he can slap him around some more?”_

_“Yeah, that’s exactly what you should have done. Ian is a grown ass man now, he can take care of himself. He doesn’t need the ghost from the past fighting his battles,” Mandy gathered, “especially when it was the same ghost that drove him away and made him what he was today.”_

_Mickey flinched to her words because he knew what she was saying was true. He was a coward back then, a coward for not standing up for them, for not telling his dad to fuck off and leave them alone, for not saying no to the russian whore that his own father forced to rape him. A coward for not letting Ian see inside his heart, his soul, for not acknowledging how vulnerable he’d been. A coward for laughing in Ian’s face when he would suggest that they should run away together, start over somewhere new. Just the two of them. A coward for keeping Ian away when all he wanted was to bring him closer. And most of all a coward for never having the courage to tell Ian he loved him._

_“I know,” he said, his voice almost a whisper, “I know it was all me. My fear, my stubbornness...my fucked up perception of the world we were living in, when I thought that being who I was and feeling how I felt would never bring me anything but pain. And I had had enough pain in my life, I didn’t need to drag someone else down that drain with me.”_

_His sister pulled over and unbuckled her seat belt. She climbed on the back seat and sat next to her brother. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to sound like that,” she lifted his chin with his fingers and ran her gentle hand through his hair, “when I said that it was you. I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything, I know you and I’d always known that you were one of the good guys. You just carried  that thug image because you had to, not because you wanted to. But everyone deserves to be loved and to love back, and you have waited enough. Y’know? Spent your entire life without it. And maybe now, maybe this here with Ian, maybe this is your chance of having that.”_

_“Right, like hell he’s gonna forgive me for going after his boyfriend,” Mickey shook his head and shivered with disgust at the very mention of the guy._

_Mandy slapped him on the head and he winced, “What the fuck was that for?”_

_“Excuse me but were you just in this car ten minutes ago?” she yelled at him, “Didn’t you hear when he invited you over to his place?”_

_“Jesus, ‘s not like I’m gonna go anyway.”_

_“Well why not, dipshit?”_

_“Because…,” he sighed and turned away from her, ”because I can’t trust myself when I’m around him and I’m just not ready for certain things right now,” he said._

_“So don’t. Stop thinking so much about everything and for once in your fucking life allow yourself to be vulnerable. It’s not that bad, you’ll see.”_

_“Like it’s so important to be vulnerable,” he huffed, “the fuck does it even mean, be vulnerable?”_

_“Being vulnerable makes you feel. Whether it’s good or bad, it just makes you feel,” Mandy cupped his head and brought it to her chest, “and you my brother, need to feel right now.”_

_“So you think I should go?” he hesitated._

_“Yeah,” Mandy  nodded in agreement, “I think you should.”_

_They stayed hugged like that for awhile when Mandy pushed him away. “God, see that? Now i’m fucking crying. Thanks a lot asshole,” she wiped her tears away and slapped his brother’s chest, and smiled contently when he laughed along with her, “Can we go now, ‘cause I’m planning on bringing this baby on term. Don’t want to have you delivering it in the car all by yourself.”_

_“Urgh, shut up, as if I would.” Mickey made a face but they both know that there wasn’t anything in this world he wouldn’t do for his sister._

  


***

 

Ian opened the door couple of seconds later and it didn’t escape Mickey how he smiled at him so genuinely and how beautiful and pink his lips were like that, just like Mickey remembers them. Mickey always loved that about Ian, the way his smile would start in the corner of his mouth and then slowly spread across his face while his eyes shone with that childlike innocence and just pure happiness.

 

“Hey,” Ian said and opened the door wider gesturing with his hand for Mickey to come in, “you made it. I didn’t think you would show up.” He closed the door after Mickey entered and quickly took in the surroundings. It was a nice place, not too colourful or cheesy. It was a really tidy, warm corner and Mickey could understand why Ian loved it here so much.

 

“Hi,” he greeted back and stood nervously in what he presumed was a hallway, shoving his sweaty hands into his front jeans pockets.

 

Ian noded towards the living room, inviting Mickey to join him, giving him a quick tour of his home. There was a small kitchen on the left and a pretty large living room next to it with an exit to the balcony. The bathroom was on the right and Ian’s bedroom just behind the wall. It was a lot smaller than his house back in Chicago but yet so bigger and more comfortable.

 

“Here,” Ian pointed to the brown couch in the middle of the living room, “you can sit there. Just let me get us a beer. You wanna beer? I got some whiskey I think, and maybe some vodka but I guess it’s too early for that right?” Ian obviously shared the same nervousness as Mickey if this blabbering of his was any indication. Mickey was glad he wasn’t alone in this, whatever this was.

 

Mickey nodded in response and settled on the couch. He heard Ian opening the fridge and couple of seconds later he was sitting on the opposite side of the couch with a beer in his hand. Mickey couldn’t help but think that out of all times they were together in the past, this was the farthest they had been. He took a sip from the bottle and pulled out his smokes from his pocket. Puting one between his lips and lighting it he automatically offered it to Ian after first couple of drags leaning towards him, his arms as stretched as they could be, but still not long enough to reach Ian.

 

Ian took the smoke from Mickey’s hand so carefully Mickey could swear he saw Ian’s hand shaking. They looked at each other for a brief second and Mickey was trying his best not to get lost in that beautiful green eyes of the man next to him. Ian took a long puff and when he tried to give it back, Mickey shook his head. “Nah, you can have it, I’ll light up another one,” he said.

 

The air in Ian’s living room was thick with awkwardness as both men sat there on the couch, only couple of feet apart and Mickey felt like the walls were starting to close in on him as more time passed. They had their share of awkward moments in the past but sitting like this in complete silence, the only sound being their inhales and exhales of smoke, looking anywhere but at each other… This was a whole new thing for them. And Mickey wasn’t sure he liked it, so he stubbed the butt in the ashtray and turned to Ian.

 

“Look, before this becomes even more uncomfortable than it already is I guess I will start by saying that I’m sorry for what happened last night. I mean, I know it was stupid of me to go after him like that but it’s just… You were… He was… ” Mickey paused for a brief second and then angrily leaned his head back and it hit the couch hard, closing his eyes in frustration, because he could feel himself getting sick with the very mention of the guy, so he had to stop himself before he said something he would eventually regret. He turned to Ian and gave him a sympathetic look and continued, ”Damn it Ian, why would you even get mixed up with a guy like that? I mean, c’mon, you were in that baby army and shit, and I know for a fact you can throw a punch. Why didn’t you do something the first time he hit you?’”

 

Ian bowed his head in what Mickey knew was shame and embarrassment. “You wouldn’t understand, Mick.”

 

“Then explain it to me, because I seriously wanna know why the fuck would you let him throw you around like that.”

 

“He was nice in the beginning, y’know. He bought me stuff, held my hand in public.. He wasn’t afraid to kiss me around other people… I liked it. It was the first time I had that. And before you  make any sarcastic comment,yes I am a sap and I know that I’m corny and overemotional and what the fuck ever, but… I guess at the end of it, I just wanted someone to love me.”

 

And Mickey knew that was true. He knew Ian and knew the guy was starving for affection and tenderness. Even when they had whatever it was they had, Ian never hid the fact he wanted to do all that stupid romantic shit, shit that Mickey regrets not doing with him every fucking day of his life.

 

“If you think that that was love you should definitely look up the definition in a dictionary,” he shook his head incredulously.

 

“Yeah, you’re gonna sit there and lecture me about love,” Ian said sarcastically, “you of all people.”

 

Mickey put the bottle down on the table with a loud thud and got up from the couch. “Ok, I see this was a bad idea, and I think I better go before we say something we’ll both regret.”

 

“No,” Ian got up and followed him to the door, “don’t go, please. Just… could you stay a minute more? I mean we can’t… we can’t leave things like this,” he pleaded.

 

“God look at us,” Mickey laughed, “thirty something but still behaving like teenagers.”

 

“Why can’t we be like that anymore Mick? What happened to us?” Ian lowered himself on the floor and ran his hand through his red hair. MIckey followed and sat down beside him.

 

“We were too young back then,” he said, “everything was against us, we never stood a chance.”

 

“But we could have left, remember how we talked about how it would be if we just sat on a bus and got out of that place?”

 

“And go where? Huh?” Mickey said and looked Ian in the eyes, “You know it couldn’t have worked for us, we had nothing in our favor. For fuck’s sake, you were still in high school and my life was a fuckin’ shit show.”

 

“But we would have been together, isn’t that the only thing that matters at the end of it?” Ian turned towards him and reached out to touch him, but stopped mid-way and instead placed his hand on the floor.

 

“It wouldn’t be enough Ian, no matter how much we wanted it, it just wouldn’t be enough,” Mickey sighed and looked down at Ian’s hand only couple of inches away from his own. And God, he wanted to touch him so bad, just to see if Ian’s skin was still so soft like he remembers it. But things can never be the same for them and Mickey knew that. They were different people now, more grown up and he just couldn’t let himself be swept away with desire and lust that brought them both so much pain in the past.

 

“Yeah, you’re right I guess,” Ian shrugged one shoulder defeatedly and retrieved his hand back, “I just thought… well never mind,” he said.

 

After couple of long minutes sitting there on Ian’s floor in complete silence Mickey pulled a pack of smoke out of his back pocket and lit one up, offering it to Ian after taking a long drag. “Here, take it. Looks like you need it more that me,” he watched as Ian’s hand came closer and closer to his, slowly and gently, like it was reaching for some sort of a delicate flower  Mickey held that would break under the rough touch, and despite every cell in his brain telling him not to, when Ian took the cigarette Mickey couldn’t resist but to brush the tip of his fingers over Ian’s.

 

The redhead looked deep into his eyes for a long second and then closed his own, gently gripping Mickey’s wrist and stroking it with his thumb. His breathing became heavier and his chest started rising  faster, following the increasing speed of his breaths. He leaned the side of his head on the wall behind him and slightly parted his lips, his fingers still wrapped tightly around Mickey’s wrist, cigarette burning between them.

 

Mickey took the smoke with his other hand and stubbed it on the hallway tiles with his shoe. He turned to face Ian again and looked closely at the redhead. His face was older now than the last time they were this close. The freckles were still there but less visible, faded a little under the hot californian sun. He watched him enamoured, and wondered what kind of images were dancing  under his eyelids and couldn’t help but bring himself closer to him, inch by inch because Jesus christ, the man in front of him was beautiful. He was so perfect in every way possible. Years made him look older and more mature but what Mickey was now witnessing is the same innocent sixteen year old boy that stole his heart with that stupid smile and  breathtaking eyes. He knew this was a stupid thing to do, he knew he wasn’t ready, that Ian wasn’t ready either, no matter how much they both craved  this.

 

But for the moment he chose to ignore that part of his brain that told him to back off, to run out of there as fast as he could because otherwise he would end up with the same ache he had been living with for the past thirteen years. Instead he rather decided to finally listen to that little voice in his heart he had been ignoring all this time, the one that’s been telling him that he deserved to love and feel loved.

 

So he placed his free hand over Ian’s and as his face came close to the redhead, he could feel Ian’s hot breath against his lips. They were only an inch apart, if one of them made a single move their noses would be touching.

 

Ian opened his eyes and turned his whole body to Mickey, and the brunet was met with the most beautiful shade of green in them. The air was hot enough as it is but with the heat radiating from both their bodies it was almost unbearable to breathe. Ian flicked his gaze down to Mickey’s lips and inched closer, brushing the tip of his nose against Mickey’s. The action was so sexual but also so intimate, it wasn’t like anything Mickey had ever experienced before. Sure, he kissed guys sometimes during sex, hell he kissed Alan even before sex but it was never like this. This arousing and seductive, and at the same time so fucking gentle and loving.

 

Ian suddenly moved his head back couple of inches and gave Mickey pleading look, waiting for some sort of reassurance and approval to continue. Mickey wondered whether Ian thought about this not being a good idea too. But looking at Ian’s sincere and pleading puppy dog eyes, feeling his breath against his lips and his fingertips dancing hotly over his hand, his touch burning through his skin, there was nothing he could have done but give in. Just to taste that lips again, to feel the sweetness of that tongue wrapping itself around his own, to feel Ian again.  

 

His hand came up to gently caress Ian’s cheek  and Ian immediately mirrored his action, it was like he was impatiently waiting for a sign from Mickey allowing him to touch him. The sight was like looking at the image in the mirror, the way their hands reached for the other one’s face at the same time. Ian’s hand was gentle on his cheek and Mickey closed his eyes and gave into the feeling. He leaned into the touch as his own hand slowly stroked Ian’s forehead, slipping down over his eyebrow to his face, settling finally on his soft parted lips. And when Mickey ran his thumb  gently over Ian’s lower lip the redhead instinctively enveloped it with his teeth, licking at the top of it.

 

Mickey found this move so downfucking erotic, his breath became even more heavier and his heart was threatening to jump out of his chest. So he shifted from his position on the side bringing himself to his knees, finally allowing his other hand to strongly grab the behind of Ian’s head. His hair was longer than the last time Mickey had his fingers tangled in it and Mickey took that advantage and held tight, like he was a drowning and there was no other anchor but Ian’s red strands, giving him hope, and him holding onto them for dear life.

 

Ian opened his eyes looking straight into depth of Mickey’s blue one’s and pressed his forehead against the other man’s, Mickey’s thumb still between his teeth. Mickey mirrored the force of the grip and moaned when he felt Ian’s teeth scraping around the rough skin of his digit , the rush of blood going down his body and into his boxers, filling them with his growing erection. He pushed the thumb deeper inside Ian’s mouth and watched mesmerized as the redhead sucked on it, feeling the wetness of his mouth and  imagining Ian’s plush lips around his dick.

 

“ _Jesus fuck_ Ian, I wanna kiss you so fucking bad right now,” he whispered against Ian’s cheek leaning closer to the redhead’s lips.

 

Ian let go of Mickey’s thumb and grabbed the front of his t-shirt, pressing their foreheads tighter; “So what’s stopping you?” he whispered back and that was enough of encouragement Mickey needed.

 

The sound of their lips clashing and the sharp inhales was probably loud enough to be heard through the opened door, but when Ian slipped his hot tongue into Mickey’s mouth nothing else mattered. It was the best thing in the whole fucking world, kissing Ian. Feeling the softness of his lips against his own was the thing that was missing from Mickey’s life all this time. The thing that left him incomplete and wanting.

 

Ian tasted the same as he did thirteen years ago in that basement, his hair just as soft and the grip on Mickey’s neck still as tight as it always had been.

 

Their tongues explored each other’s mouths and danced together to the sweet music of their moans, falling into a dream that they should have been living all these years. And with every second that went by their bodies moved closer and closer, until Mickey was straddling Ian’s lap, Ian’s hands gently stroking the back of the other man’s head, roaming down his neck, his back, finally settling on his ass. He gripped it tighter and pulled Mickey down onto his crotch.

 

“ _Jesus_ Mick,” he panted, “I missed this so fucking much,” his lips ghosting over the brunet’s neck, gently nibbling the soft skin under his ear, “I missed _you_ so much… so fucking much.” His hands went from Mickey’s ass up under his shirt, feeling the hard planes of his torso. Mickey let a loud moan when Ian’s thumbs ran over his nipples, Jesus Christ how had Ian only remembered how sensitive that area of his body was and how hot that made him feel.

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Mickey exhaled and ground down on Ian’s bulge harder, making the younger man shiver with excitement. Ian returned his lips back to Mickey’s and groaned when Mickey bit him hard enough to hurt. That only made Ian scrape his blunt nails over Mickey’s abs which only made Mickey harder by the second. He felt Ian’s hand fumbling with the button on his pants, opening it and sliding his fingers inside his boxer briefs.

 

“Oh _God_ ,” he groaned when the tip of Ian’s thumb ran over the slit of his cock, smearing the already gathered precum over the swollen head. ”Yeah…   _fuck_ yeah… ” He pulled Ian’s tank top over his head and took in the taut abs and his strong chest and Christ, did this man look gorgeous. And Mickey felt guilty for never appreciating Ian’s body enough in all the times they were together in the past.

 

“You like that?” Ian teased as his fingers dug deeper into Mickey’s boxers. The position they were in only allowed so much, but Ian then embraced Mickey’s back and turned them both around so he was on top of the brunet now. He pulled his jeans further down and released Mickey’s throbbing member, licking his palm before giving it  few firm strokes.

 

“Jesus fucking christ Ian, _shit_... ” Mickey groaned when Ian’s wrist twisted on an upstroke. He was in heaven, he must have been because there was no other way of describing how light and free he felt at that moment. He pulled Ian down for a kiss and relished the sounds Ian’s mouth was making when their tongues wrapped around each other and he hurriedly pulled the zipper down and shoved his hand inside Ian’s boxers to fist his cock.

 

“ _Ahhhh..._ ” was the only sound Ian could produce and he hissed when Mickey sank his teeth into the soft skin on Ian’s shoulder.

 

Mickey was so fucking hard that he needed Ian in him now, which is why he took advantage  in the moment the redhead closed his eyes and turned them around. Ian’s back hit the floor but it didn’t matter because Mickey was on him instantly, stradling Ian’s hips and without wasting another moment grinding down onto his crotch. Ian gripped his hips and bucked into him while Mickey kissed his way down the redhead’s chest, licking and then grazing his teeth over his sensitive nipples. It made Ian arch his back and groan loud as Mickey’s tongue made his way further down the redhead’s toned body.

 

He bit gently into Ian’s hipbones before releasing Ian’s erection from the restraints of his boxers and jeans and flattened his tongue as he licked the long vein on the underside of Ian’s perfect cock and then nibbled under its head. It elicited a loud moan out of the man under him and Mickey couldn’t help but smirk while his mouth made Ian mad with want.

 

“God, I forgot you did that,” Ian lifted his head up and groaned when Mickey took the tip of his swollen head into his mouth, “ _fuck_ … ” he exhaled sharply.

 

“Yeah? You like that?” Mickey teased and took more of him in and cupped his balls with his right hand while the left one pinched his nipple.

 

“ _Yeah_ … do that again,” Ian pleaded and Mickey had no choice but to obey. He felt a firm grasp on his hair and moaned around Ian’s cock because even though thirteen years had past Ian still knew exactly what Mickey wanted and how he wanted it. That’s why he pushed Mickey’s head down and thrust hard deep into his mouth. Mickey changed the angle and Ian’s cock slid all the way in to the hilt  and when the brunet swallowed around him, Ian’s entire body jerked, his grip on Mickey’s dark hair tightened and his groans got louder.

 

Which is why neither of them heard the buzzing of the intercom.

 

“Fuck,” Ian  exhaled in frustration, “Shit, shit...”

 

Mickey didn’t stop, he continued swallowing Ian down, “Don’t answer, they’ll go away,” he whispered into Ian’s hip and smirked contently when the redhead ignored another buzz. He pulled Ian’s pants further down from his knees and spread his legs more, settling between them like he belongs there, like he always belonged there. His fingers found their way into Ian’s mouth and the redhead sucked on them eagerly, swirling his tongue between the digits, making them wet and slick. Mickey moaned to the sight of Ian’s perfect red swollen lips and leaned down to place a gentle kiss there, but the annoying sound of buzzing repeated, only in much longer intervals now.

 

“Fucking hell,” Ian’s nostrils widened in frustration and his fists hit the tile floor with the loud thud, “I’m gonna fucking kill whoever is down there,” he growled. He patted Mickey consolingly on the shoulder, ”C’mon, get up a sec, lemme see who it is.”

 

Mickey did as he was told and watched slumped against the wall as Ian pulled his boxers up, leaving his pants crumpled on the floor as he got up. He took a  moment to just admire Ian’s body. Damn, he bulked even more that when they were teenagers. Hard, sculpted back muscles and smooth, milky-white skin, ass firm-looking and  thick muscular thighs. The guy had the most beautiful body of anyone Mickey had ever been with. It made his mouth water and he licked his lips, nervously awaiting the moment his thighs were gonna finally be wrapped tightly around that firm ass after long thirteen fucking years. He started pulling his t-shirt up when mid-way he heard Ian’s obviously unexpected outcry;

  
“Lip?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters and that's it!


End file.
